It bugs me because I need to hear it. And its hard to hear. It bugs me because every time someone talks about it, the holy spirit gives my heart a little nudge.
And I cant squash that feeling anymore. I cant ignore the nudge anymore.
Most times when you think of putting things in the place of God, you think of material things like people or money or substances. But the thing that I put in front of God? Fear.
I put fear in front of God. Like fear is this great thing to be accommodated. I have accommodated fear in my life. I have gotten used to it and made a place for it. But its not so easy to live with anymore. Its taking up too much room.
Recently my friends convinced me to go on a walk late at night on this pretty trail, in a wooded area. I had such a great time hanging out with people that are leaving school this year, and made some great memories. I thought about how close I had come to not going on the walk, because it was in the dark woods. And I mean I was terrified, in my mind, there was a killer lurking behind every tree. The journey was scary, but when we got to the beautiful clearing at the end of the path it was so worth it.
And I almost missed it. I don’t want to miss out. Not just on some fun times, I don’t want to miss out ON MY LIFE!
I know myself and I could spend forever measuring and judging the what ifs of any situation. When God asks me to do something, I usually wrestle with Him for a while.
“But God, what if this happens? But God what if that happens? God are you strong enough to keep me safe?”
And then I hear Him say, “Yeah, so what if it happens? I’m still God and I’m still good.”
And if God does choose to call me home, I will be going to the place I've waited for my whole life! I used to not want Jesus to come back until I've done all the things I want on this earth. But now I've realized that these things dont have worth compared to the place Jesus is preparing for me. I'm so homesick, if it was up to me, my savior would come back this very second.
As Christians we need to look at our motives. Are we living our lives in response to God’s calling, or in response to something else? My motives have always been based on fear. And its exhausting, and draining, and crippling.
And I’m sick of it. So from now on I’m not going to let fear tell me what to do. I’m going to let God tell me what to do. When He tells me what to do, I’m going to do my best to listen, even and especially when its scary. Because I don’t want to be a slave to fear. I don’t want to be a bound prisoner to fear.
Galatians 5v1 says, It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.
God came to set me free from the sin of fear. Its silly to think of someone who has been set free to willingly return themselves to slavery. I don’t want to diminish the beautiful gift that Jesus offers me, by refusing the freedom that He brings.
Another verse about freedom that I love is John 8v34, which says, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”
The son had set me free, but I put the shackles back on myself. I am not a slave to sin, I am a daughter of the most high God, and I am going to start living like it.
This is the summer that I am going to start living out of a reverence for God and not a reverence for fear. This summer I am going to fly across the ocean and tell random strangers about how much Jesus Christ loves them and wants to know them personally. I am going to start living my life not worrying about tomorrow, because my life is in the safest place possible, God’s hands.
Wow, Katie. I'm so glad you came with us and I will be praying on this decision in you. I've seen you comes leaps and bounds when it comes to fear in the last few months and it makes me so happy! Keep goin'!
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