God's word is a lamp, NOT a floodlight!

I love bible study. Reading the bible, laughing, and having a good time with others who love Jesus as much as I do makes me so happy. At bible study a couple of weeks ago my pastor said something that really stuck with me.

He said, “Gods word is a lamp unto our feet, but its not a floodlight.”

And those words just hit me. And you know what? I would really appreciate a floodlight. I don’t like the dark, I don’t like anything about it. You cant see anything, don’t know where you are or where your going, you don’t know what’s going to happen next, and you have no control over anything. And yet, a lot of the time in regard to what God wants me to do, I feel like I’m in the dark.

And I know that I need to patiently wait for God to, in his perfect timing, lead me in the way that the wants me to go. But I am so not a patient person. At first I’m fine but then I start getting anxious and thinking, “Okay God, that whole waiting this was fine for a while but now I would really like to move on. Any day now.”

The other thing is, when God does finally lead you into the light.

There have been times when God has made it clear to me that He wants me to do something and I’m not interested AT ALL. So I stall and make excuses and sometimes just refuse.

But its like I can hear God saying, “Listen Katie, we both know that in the end my will is going to be done. So you can just keep fighting me or you can surrender to what I know is truly the best thing for you.”

Its unfortunate that it always takes so long for me to get to the surrender part, especially since after I surrender I always find freedom and joy and peace.

The funny thing is that you sometimes realize Gods plan is not what you thought it would be. Suddenly seeing God’s plan for your life all laid out is terrifying. Its scary because, you don’t want to do that, its too hard, or demanding, or painful, or just not what you had envisioned for yourself. But I know that if I’m not on board with God’s plan, then the only plan I have left is my own. And that is scarier than anything, because I have no idea what I’m doing.

I know that no matter how many loops God throws me for, when I leave my life in his hands, I am always going to be okay. Entrusting myself to him will never lead to disappointment or regret.

I guess at this time in my life I need to be asking God for patience. Its like Jesus is leading me through a pitch dark room. In frustration and fear I call out to him, “Jesus, I cant see where I’m going!” And in his calm, soothing voice I hear, “That’s okay, I’ve got you. I’m never going to let go of your hand, just let me guide you. You don’t need to know where you going because I do. And I am never going to let you go.”

Now, if anyone else said these words to me I’m not sure I would believe them. But this is Jesus. And I KNOW Him. We’ve been together for a while now, well He was always with me but its only been three years since I finally stopped fighting Him and really started living. I have walked with Him closely for three years and I KNOW Him.

He has proven Himself reliable, trustworthy, and the very definition of what I have come to know as love. He has been my constant. He has been my strong tower against the storm. He has been a warm embrace, a place of safety. When I feel like no one in the entire world understands, I know that HE DOES. He understands and he cares and He will NEVER stop caring.

And so because I know Him like this, I know that I can trust His word. And I trust His word when it says in Psalm 139:7-12

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

I couldn’t get away from God if I tried, and believe me, there have been times in the past when I have tried. So it really doesn’t matter if I don’t know where I’m going because no matter where I end up, I know that God will be with me. I don’t need a floodlight, because the presence of God in my life lights up the darkness.

Song Recommendation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1p-QfgkLow