God is my father

One thing that I love about God is that He is always exactly what I need Him to be whenever I need Him to be it. I was always kind of wary about the song, "Friend of God." I thought, 'Is that disrespectful? He is King of the universe, should I not give Him such a title as friend?' God is so many things, friend, father, lord, savior, that its hard for me sometimes to know how to act towards God. I don't want to make Him too small but I also don't want to think of Him as a big powerful God who has no concern for little Katie down here on earth. I mentioned that to someone and they said that God is whatever we need Him to be at the moment. And that just made so much sense to me. Sometimes I'm scared, and God is my fierce protector. Sometimes He is my gentle, loving dad. Sometimes He is the almighty counselor, and He always understands. Sometimes I'm anxious and He is my prince of peace.

Someone once told me that when we pray, we should first praise God, repent, ask for things, and then yield. So I was laying in bed and I couldn't sleep and I was worrying and thinking and sulking and I was just a mess. I decided to pray and so I first started by praising God, but my heart wasn't in it. My heart was hurting and I didn't feel like praising God. I know with absolute certainty that God is the king of kings, my savior, and a million other wonderful things. But at that moment, I just needed Him to be my dad. I just needed Him to be my friend. My comforter. And when I prayed and said, "I don't have any words right now, I just need you to be my dad," I felt an overwhelming peace and was so comforted.

Romans 8:14
For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba,Father.” 

I knew that God didn't want me to choke out half hearted praises. He wants me to be real. He knows my heart completely and He just wants me to pour out to Him everything that I'm feeling. I have found such a joy, such a comfort in being absolutely real with God. I struggle with being open and vulnerable and real with other people, its something I'm working on. But with God, being vulnerable with Him brings so much healing to me. It's better than anything in the world.

Its such a relief to not have to hide behind big words or eloquent prayers. I love talking to God as my father, because He is. Thinking about the fact that I have a perfect father who cares for me, always brings tears to my eyes. Because I am so grateful for Him. I am so grateful for His care, His love, and His provision. I don't deserve it, but I so desperately want it. Its hard for me to accept his love, because it seems so unbelievable to me that He would choose to give it to me. But I know that He did choose me, He chose me as His daughter. And so I will ask Him to help me believe and accept His free love, when my doubting heart tells me I need to earn it.

And this is the song that I have had on repeat for a long time :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXsiWoyjw60