To swim to Jesus

Here’s a revelation I am being reminded of:

GOD DOESN’T JUST LOVE US ON OUR GOOD DAYS. Crazy right? Jesus doesn’t smile and pat us on the back on the days when we are patient and kind and honest and shake his head in disgust when we are bitter and inpatient and afraid.

Logically this makes perfect sense based on the all loving, kind father that we know God is. But sometimes I forget to live out this truth.

When I fail, after I repent and ask for forgiveness, I often hang my head in shame and refuse to meet my Father’s eyes. After a day my head slowly rises as I feel I have beaten myself up for a long enough time.

Letting our circumstances control our emotions is like being on a boat in a storm, with us bobbing up and down with every new trial.

It’s enough to make anyone a little seasick.

We NEED to be anchored in God’s truth. We have to be, there’s no other way.

And the truth? We are loved. God does not condemn us, he convicts us with the intent to quickly forgive and restore us. We need to be constantly aware of the father’s tender heart toward us.

One disciple who knew Jesus’ heart was Peter.

Peter denied Jesus not once but THREE times. There is no denying that he blew it big time. Peter promised that he would lay down his life for Jesus but instead he denied even knowing His savior.

So after the resurrection when Jesus called to the disciples Peter hid behind the others and averted his eyes in shame, right?

Nope. Instead, Peter jumped out of the boat into the cold water and swam all the way to Jesus. I imagine that a dripping wet Peter fell down at Jesus’ feet and threw his arms around him. Because Peter walked with Jesus and had seen firsthand how Jesus LOVES to forgive.

When we sin, when we fail and mess up and fail to measure up, that is when we must jump out of the boat and swim to Jesus. Don’t wait until the boat reaches shore, jump out and get to your savior as quickly as possible! The quicker you get yourself to Jesus, the quicker your reconciliation and redemption and cleansing can happen.

We don’t bring Jesus our good deeds and hope that they outweigh the bad. We bring Him a repentant heart that’s only longing is to be close to Him once more. I don’t want sin or shame to steal one single precious moment of intimacy with my Jesus.

I frequently find myself falling at Jesus’ feet and confessing my great desire to be reconciled to him.

Hebrews 4:16 “Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

Like Peter, I too have walked with Jesus and I have seen His mighty hand working powerfully in my life. I have seen with my own two eyes the way that His gracious kindness is quick to forgive my stumbling little heart.

In my life I have seen Him as one who breaks chains. I have seen Him as one who heals. One who redeems. One who restores. One who loves. There is no one who will love you more or better than Jesus. His love brings freedom and wholeness. God is ALWAYS good and we are ALWAYS loved.

 

Romans 8:37-39 “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Comparing God to people

Sometimes I miss God. Even though He’s everywhere

For me, feeling God's presence is like being wrapped in a big warm comfy hug ALL THE TIME. It’s the best. 

Except when I, ‘don’t have time,’ or I’m, ‘too busy.’

And then that’s when I start to miss him. My heart aches for just a little bit more time with him, one more word from him, five more minutes hiding away from the world resting in his comfort and stability. Because even when my entire world is falling apart, even when everything is turned upside down, when I get away with him to a quiet place, I find safety. He steadies me.

Sometimes I’m feeling convicted and a voice in my head tells me I have no right to stand before my heavenly father.

I think that sometimes the thing that keeps us from God, creates a distance between us, is us having a distorted view of who God is and who He says that we are.

Ann Voskamp said, “Why do we continue to fight God and lash about in His grasp like He’s a big Taker instead of a Giver? What is it we think He’s trying to rob us of? To whom have we compared Him so that we’ve assumed we cannot trust Him?”

To whom have YOU compared God to that distorts your view of who He actually is and how He actually responds to you?

God doesn't throw us under the bus! He isn't a nagging, constantly criticizing God who hands us an enormous list of our sins and says, "Fix all of these things about yourself and then we'll talk."

 No my God is kind. My God is loving. Though He sees my sin He never condemns me. He never heaps shame on me or makes me feel like a failure. 

Numbers 23:19 “God is not a man, that He should lie,
Nor a son of man, that He should repent.
Has He said, and will He not do?
 Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?”

Instead, He lovingly takes my hand, lifts my head that is hung down in defeat and says, "You are not alone. We are going to do it together. Trust me and I will do the work of making you more like me. Just stay close to my side."

Sometimes Jesus says to me, “I love you,” and I think, “Really Lord? Do you know me? Because I want to punch that guy who just cut me off in traffic, sometimes I choose sleep over bible reading, and I often get frustrated and don’t use my words in the most loving way. Not to mention that my scripture memorization is laughable and sometimes I let fear get the best of me." I’m a mess.

The temptation is always to save ourselves, try to clean ourselves up and THEN Jesus will love us right? But Jesus loves messes.

He loves when we acknowledge how broken and desperately in need of Him we are. God can do amazing healing work in our lives, and the best place for him to do this is right in the middle of your mess, your failure, your weakness, your insecurity, your doubt, your frustrations and fears.

It is a beautiful thing when we take all of ourselves, the parts we like and the parts we don’t like, our hurts, and trials and experiences and lay them at the foot of the cross. It is a beautiful thing when we are open and vulnerable with others, allowing them to see what God can also do with their messes. 

God is not surprised that we are messes, He knows our hearts inside and out.

He understands that our world sometimes taints our view of Him. Before I accepted Him into my heart and life, I had a very skewed perception of Him. My labels for God were, finger pointer, lightening bolt thrower, harsh, angry, critical, demanding, judgmental, unloving and uncaring.

Not such a pretty picture huh? Who would want a God like that? I sure didn’t.

I think that this is the view a lot of people have of God. And that makes me so sad, because I spent a lot of time running from a God that I thought I knew when my loving Father was waiting there the whole time with arms wide open. 

And God knows this. He is aware of all the things that my heart needs Him to be for me. He knows all of the things I thought Him to be that He is now proving He’s not.

He knows that I need him to be my dad. I need him to be my protector. My comforter. My redeemer. My healer. My friend. My counselor. My peace bringer. My refuge.

Now I know a God who’s heart overflows with love and grace. I know a God who is not only righteous and strong, but also gentle and kind.

Just like we put wrong labels on God, sometimes we put wrong labels on ourselves. But no matter what labels we stick on ourselves, the only ones that matter are the ones that He gives to us.

Precious daughter.

Sought after.

 Unblemished.

Beloved.

His.

God is my father

One thing that I love about God is that He is always exactly what I need Him to be whenever I need Him to be it. I was always kind of wary about the song, "Friend of God." I thought, 'Is that disrespectful? He is King of the universe, should I not give Him such a title as friend?' God is so many things, friend, father, lord, savior, that its hard for me sometimes to know how to act towards God. I don't want to make Him too small but I also don't want to think of Him as a big powerful God who has no concern for little Katie down here on earth. I mentioned that to someone and they said that God is whatever we need Him to be at the moment. And that just made so much sense to me. Sometimes I'm scared, and God is my fierce protector. Sometimes He is my gentle, loving dad. Sometimes He is the almighty counselor, and He always understands. Sometimes I'm anxious and He is my prince of peace.

Someone once told me that when we pray, we should first praise God, repent, ask for things, and then yield. So I was laying in bed and I couldn't sleep and I was worrying and thinking and sulking and I was just a mess. I decided to pray and so I first started by praising God, but my heart wasn't in it. My heart was hurting and I didn't feel like praising God. I know with absolute certainty that God is the king of kings, my savior, and a million other wonderful things. But at that moment, I just needed Him to be my dad. I just needed Him to be my friend. My comforter. And when I prayed and said, "I don't have any words right now, I just need you to be my dad," I felt an overwhelming peace and was so comforted.

Romans 8:14
For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba,Father.” 

I knew that God didn't want me to choke out half hearted praises. He wants me to be real. He knows my heart completely and He just wants me to pour out to Him everything that I'm feeling. I have found such a joy, such a comfort in being absolutely real with God. I struggle with being open and vulnerable and real with other people, its something I'm working on. But with God, being vulnerable with Him brings so much healing to me. It's better than anything in the world.

Its such a relief to not have to hide behind big words or eloquent prayers. I love talking to God as my father, because He is. Thinking about the fact that I have a perfect father who cares for me, always brings tears to my eyes. Because I am so grateful for Him. I am so grateful for His care, His love, and His provision. I don't deserve it, but I so desperately want it. Its hard for me to accept his love, because it seems so unbelievable to me that He would choose to give it to me. But I know that He did choose me, He chose me as His daughter. And so I will ask Him to help me believe and accept His free love, when my doubting heart tells me I need to earn it.

And this is the song that I have had on repeat for a long time :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXsiWoyjw60