Embracing our stories

It’s amazing how I have such peace with my life. It’s kind of a miracle actually.

I have so much peace with every single step I have walked along this journey. I have peace because I know that my life is safe in God’s hands.

My view of my life is so incredibly limited. I can’t see the whole picture; all I can see is my tiny worldview. So I must trust in the one who CAN see the whole picture. I must trust in the one’s who’s definition of the word, ‘safe,’ is SO much better than mine.

I recently heard people talking about what they would change about their lives if they could go back and do it all over again. And when I first thought about it, there came to mind some obvious things that I would rather smudge out of my personal history.

But when you start erasing things, everything else is affected. If anything were changed or removed, I’m not sure who or where I would be right now. Would I still feel such a desperate need for Jesus coursing through my veins or would my life be defined by complacency?

In my life I have made a lot of mistakes and have gone through things that were painful that I wish hadn’t happened.  But God, in His perfect wisdom, allowed those things to happen so I know that there must be a reason for them. God wont allow us to go through painful things without having a plan or purpose for them.

Whatever He allows, I’m okay with because I am completely assured of His goodness. I am completely satisfied in the sweetness of intimacy with Him I have right now that I wouldn’t dare change a thing. 

So I will trust Him. I am confident that He doesn’t let anything go to waste. I trust Him with my life, even the hard parts, even the messy, uncomfortable, painful parts. Because He is good and loves me and this is the life He gave me.

I find peace knowing that this hasn’t just been MY journey, its been OUR journey. Me and God. He has walked every single step of this journey with me and has never for a second let go of my hand.

My God is weaving a beautiful story with my broken pieces. I wouldn’t change anything because I know my God is using everything. Our God is a powerful redeemer.

 My story is beautiful because it is not really about me at all.

My story is about a God who relentlessly pursues.

My story is about a God who heals hurting hearts with the strength of His love.

My story is about a God who takes what was meant for evil and instead brings good.
My story is about a God who creates beautiful redemption out of ashes.

My story is about a God who can bring hope to the most hopeless situations.

My story is about a God who can soften the hardest, most bitter, and well-guarded heart.

If my life, with all the parts I’m tempted to change, brings God the most glory, then that’s the life that I’m content to stick with.

I’m learning to embrace the joy that God has given me in the life that He has given me. Every difficult situation is another opportunity to see God’s power displayed.

I feel like its human nature to want to smooth out the bumpy areas of our lives and to want to smudge out the ugly, broken parts. But God works best in the bumpy, broken parts.

Instead of pretending that we have lived perfect, lovely lives, why don’t we instead be honest about how God has transformed our messes into something that will bring glory to His name?

Why don’t we be honest about our lives and invite others to do the same? Instead of hiding our brokenness, why don’t we invite others into the journey with us? Why don’t we live this life together, embracing our stories and rejoicing at how God takes broken things and makes them beautiful?

He has been abundantly faithful, I have been abundantly blessed. I wouldn’t change a thing.

It Is Finished

Three days.

That is how long the disciples waited; probably feeling disappointed, confused, and crushed. Their savior was gone, just like that. How could the one they saw heal lepers and restore vision to the blind be killed and buried, just like any other man? Can you imagine the thrill of walking beside Jesus everyday and then suddenly, nothing? I feel for those disciples, because I know something they didn’t yet know. I know about the Sunday. I know what happened three days later.

 I have never had to wonder if Jesus will stay dead. But I do know of a hopelessness that comes from a life of running from God. I do feel Peters pain as he must have imagined how Jesus could possibly forgive him after he had fallen so far.


John 20:1 “Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance.”

I love how Mary Magdalene gets up while it is still dark out and goes to be with Jesus. She saw him crucified, she expects a body to be in that tomb, and yet she just needs to be near her savior. Even buried, He is her hope.

It reminds me in John 6 when Jesus asks the disciples if they too would leave and Peter replies, “Lord to whom shall we go?”

Even with Him supposedly dead, they had nowhere to be but with Jesus.

“Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying…. At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.
He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”
Jesus said to her, “Mary.”She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”).
Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father.” 
 

Mary stood weeping because her Lord’s body was gone, the last thing that she had left of Him. I love that though Jesus knew why Mary was weeping, He asked her how she was feeling and why.

Jesus’ relationship with Mary was intimate and He called her by name. Isn’t it so true that all He has to do is say our name and we KNOW that it is our Lord? I imagine His eyes tender, full of love and compassion as He says her name. In the same way, the Lord calls me by my full name, “Kaitlyn,” and I feel safe and loved. 

I can relate to Mary when Jesus tells her not to hold onto Him. After watching Jesus crucified and finally having Him before me, I would not have been able to restrain myself from throwing my arms around Him and weeping.

Mary’s hope has returned.

Your hope and my hope has returned.

The tomb was empty, Jesus is alive.

Jesus’ words three days earlier on the cross, “It is finished,” had proven true that morning.

Three little words that change everything.

 Because of Jesus’ death on the cross we are FREED from the penalty of our sins. We are not only freed from the penalty of our sins, we are also freed from the POWER of our sin. And because He rose again three days later, hopelessness is finished. Our guilt, our shame, it is finished.

Never again will we wait three days for our savior. He is here now. Death has been defeated. Chains and bondage and consequences of our sins and sins committed against us, THEY.ARE.FINISHED.

Jesus won us victory on the cross. How often do we not walk in that victory?

When He said, “It is finished,” He meant for you to drop all of the things you are trying to finish, to fix, and all of the ways you are trying to save yourself. Drop them all at the foot of the cross where He finished it for you. All of your burdens, everything you are carrying, they are finished. Lay them down. 

To swim to Jesus

Here’s a revelation I am being reminded of:

GOD DOESN’T JUST LOVE US ON OUR GOOD DAYS. Crazy right? Jesus doesn’t smile and pat us on the back on the days when we are patient and kind and honest and shake his head in disgust when we are bitter and inpatient and afraid.

Logically this makes perfect sense based on the all loving, kind father that we know God is. But sometimes I forget to live out this truth.

When I fail, after I repent and ask for forgiveness, I often hang my head in shame and refuse to meet my Father’s eyes. After a day my head slowly rises as I feel I have beaten myself up for a long enough time.

Letting our circumstances control our emotions is like being on a boat in a storm, with us bobbing up and down with every new trial.

It’s enough to make anyone a little seasick.

We NEED to be anchored in God’s truth. We have to be, there’s no other way.

And the truth? We are loved. God does not condemn us, he convicts us with the intent to quickly forgive and restore us. We need to be constantly aware of the father’s tender heart toward us.

One disciple who knew Jesus’ heart was Peter.

Peter denied Jesus not once but THREE times. There is no denying that he blew it big time. Peter promised that he would lay down his life for Jesus but instead he denied even knowing His savior.

So after the resurrection when Jesus called to the disciples Peter hid behind the others and averted his eyes in shame, right?

Nope. Instead, Peter jumped out of the boat into the cold water and swam all the way to Jesus. I imagine that a dripping wet Peter fell down at Jesus’ feet and threw his arms around him. Because Peter walked with Jesus and had seen firsthand how Jesus LOVES to forgive.

When we sin, when we fail and mess up and fail to measure up, that is when we must jump out of the boat and swim to Jesus. Don’t wait until the boat reaches shore, jump out and get to your savior as quickly as possible! The quicker you get yourself to Jesus, the quicker your reconciliation and redemption and cleansing can happen.

We don’t bring Jesus our good deeds and hope that they outweigh the bad. We bring Him a repentant heart that’s only longing is to be close to Him once more. I don’t want sin or shame to steal one single precious moment of intimacy with my Jesus.

I frequently find myself falling at Jesus’ feet and confessing my great desire to be reconciled to him.

Hebrews 4:16 “Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

Like Peter, I too have walked with Jesus and I have seen His mighty hand working powerfully in my life. I have seen with my own two eyes the way that His gracious kindness is quick to forgive my stumbling little heart.

In my life I have seen Him as one who breaks chains. I have seen Him as one who heals. One who redeems. One who restores. One who loves. There is no one who will love you more or better than Jesus. His love brings freedom and wholeness. God is ALWAYS good and we are ALWAYS loved.

 

Romans 8:37-39 “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”