Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Trusting God


I’m realizing that what is at the root of fear, is trust, or actually a lack of trust.

I’ve always had trust issues. My personality says, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” This le
ads me to seek God, begging to be given greater faith. 

Can I really trust that your plan for my life is better than the one I have for myself?

Can I really trust that your definition of the word, ‘safe’ is not only different than mine, but truly better than mine?
                                                                                                                    
I am a visual person and sometimes it gets hard to believe what I can’t see.

The Lord says, “Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed.” I want to be that person.

I know God has so much grace for this little heart of mine. So much grace running over these questions, doubts, and fears.

I often find myself apologizing to God for not being perfect. For not having faith to move mountains, for feeling as though I have to protect myself because He wont. Apologizing for the lies I believe.

What I hear God saying to me is, “Oh Katie. Just get out of the boat. Right now I’m not asking you to take a sky diving leap of faith. Just put one foot in front of the other and trust me to lead the way.”

I think trust is a decision. Not so much a feeling as it is a concise decision that you make every single day.

And so I’m going to wake up every morning and make that decision to trust Jesus all over again. To blindly follow Him because He is good and He knows where I’m going.

I said that it gets hard to believe what I can’t see, but there is so much that I can see. I see God’s goodness every day, in His creation and in the people He has surrounded me with. I see His goodness in the redemptive work He has done in my life. I see God in all the things He has done.

While reading the book of Ezra I was impressed by Ezra’s prayer. He thanked the Lord for all the good things He had done for his people and he named them one by one.
I’m sure this was a helpful reminder for Ezra of God’s faithfulness and trustworthiness.

God has been so abundantly faithful in my life and I am putting down some memorial stones. 

Friday, June 14, 2013

To be made well


I have been thinking a lot lately about a certain woman found in the gospels of Matthew, Mark, AND Luke. In that day women were not highly regarded, if they were regarded at all. But not according to Jesus, Jesus loves women. Anyone who says Jesus does not love women has not read their bible enough.

 This woman’s story was written about in THREE different gospels. And I have been thinking about her lately because I am reading the book of Matthew and I feel for this woman.

The Bible says that this woman had been bleeding for twelve years. Imagine the kind of suffering it would be to bleed for twelve years. Imagine the frustration, the shame and embarrassment, the hopelessness.

She had spent ALL of her money on doctors whose practices were apparently painful and for all of her money she grew worse instead of better. So she is broke and probably homeless and STILL bleeding, WORSE in fact!

Because of her bleeding condition, she was also an outcast from society, not allowed to participate in the religious ceremonies because she was considered unclean.

Considered unclean because of something that wasn’t her fault.

Here’s a woman, who, if she talked to God, spent a lot of time asking, “Why Lord?”

In biblical times illness was also commonly associated with sin. So this woman must also spend a great deal of time wondering what she had done to deserve such an illness. A lot of time must have been spent ignoring the gossip and the accusatory looks.

This woman must have felt so alone, thinking that no one could possibly understand her kind of suffering. But there was someone who did understand, and she was hearing all about Him.

She came up to Jesus in a crowd, not thinking herself worthy enough to even see Him face to face. The law stated that if an unclean person was to touch another person, they too would become unclean.  This woman had a lot of lose by touching Jesus, but she did it anyway.
All of Jesus’ goodness is bigger and more powerful than all of our dirtiness.

Despite everything that this woman had been through she still had faith that He could heal her. She said in Matthew 9, “If I only touch His cloak I will be healed.” Was He her last hope?

I wish that I had this kind of faith. When I made the decision to follow Christ, freshman year of college sitting on the floor of a large group setting during worship I was not one hundred percent sure of this God I was finally starting to really get to know.

As I prayed I said, “God, I don’t know if you can save me, I don’t know if you can fix my life. But I have tried everything else and You are my very last hope. I have nowhere else to go. You are it.”

Had any part of my life been any different, I don’t know that I would have been driven to my knees in such a desperate need for Jesus.

My life caused me to reach out for Jesus, aching to be made well. To be made whole. Wanting with all my heart to be redeemed and restored and renewed.  Hardly believing it possible, but wanting it so badly.

I wonder if she thought it all worth it, just to meet Him. That meeting changed her life. Not just because He stopped her bleeding, but because an encounter with God always radically shakes up our lives.

And He was already busy! He was on His way to raise someone from the dead. But He stopped for her. He stopped because He valued her enough to look her in the face and give her back her dignity.

And as she fell at his feet trembling in fear, she was made well. She was freed from her suffering. That is exactly what Jesus came to this earth to do, to free us from our suffering. Maybe not in all the ways we would like sometimes, but in His perfect ways.

He came to bring us the kind of freedom that comes from meeting Him face to face and knowing that you are saved and loved by Him as your heavenly father. Knowing that no matter what happens on this earth, Jesus has made you well.

And my favorite part of the story? He called her daughter.

No longer outcast, no longer unclean. No longer sick, no longer ashamed.

Daughter.