Trusting God

I’m realizing that what is at the root of fear, is trust, or actually a lack of trust.

I’ve always had trust issues. My personality says, “I’ll believe it when I see it.” This le

ads me to seek God, begging to be given greater faith. 

Can I really trust that your plan for my life is better than the one I have for myself?

Can I really trust that your definition of the word, ‘safe’ is not only different than mine, but truly better than mine?

                                                                                                                    

I am a visual person and sometimes it gets hard to believe what I can’t see.

The Lord says, “Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed.” I want to be that person.

I know God has so much grace for this little heart of mine. So much grace running over these questions, doubts, and fears.

I often find myself apologizing to God for not being perfect. For not having faith to move mountains, for feeling as though I have to protect myself because He wont. Apologizing for the lies I believe.

What I hear God saying to me is, “Oh Katie. Just get out of the boat. Right now I’m not asking you to take a sky diving leap of faith. Just put one foot in front of the other and trust me to lead the way.”

I think trust is a decision. Not so much a feeling as it is a concise decision that you make every single day.

And so I’m going to wake up every morning and make that decision to trust Jesus all over again. To blindly follow Him because He is good and He knows where I’m going.

I said that it gets hard to believe what I can’t see, but there is so much that I can see. I see God’s goodness every day, in His creation and in the people He has surrounded me with. I see His goodness in the redemptive work He has done in my life. I see God in all the things He has done.

While reading the book of Ezra I was impressed by Ezra’s prayer. He thanked the Lord for all the good things He had done for his people and he named them one by one.

I’m sure this was a helpful reminder for Ezra of God’s faithfulness and trustworthiness.

God has been so abundantly faithful in my life and I am putting down some memorial stones. 

Learning to trust the healer

Do you ever have those times when your struggling to believe what God has said is true?

We can know things intellectually but until they get to our heart, they make little impact on our lives. Sometimes the hurt is so much that all the wisdom in the world can’t seem to make sense of it. When we know that God is sovereign, we know He loves us and is trustworthy, but those truths clash with what we see around us and the lies whispered to us.

My pastor always says that times of rest are when you need to be on alert the most. Your either in a trial, coming out of one, or about to go in one.

Lately I have definitely felt the truth of that statement. Never before have I been more aware of the spiritual battle raging on around us in our world. It seems so crazy that one day you can be so in love with Jesus and thanking Him for trials in your life, and the next day asking, “Why, Lord?” The next day all thoughts of sanctification fly out the window, as you grow bitter and angry and resentful at God for not acting as you think He should have.

But I think Jesus understands.

I think He understands the angry, tearful accusations I throw at Him when all logic goes out the window and I’m just feeling hurt.

When doubts creep in and I wonder, “Can I trust You? How do I know that what You promise is true when it doesn’t feel like it? When I cant see it?”

He understands. He knows the words are only coming from a deep hurt and so He wraps His arms around me until the hurt is muffled by love. Until all that’s left is grace.

There is no one on this earth that I can go to when I’m hurting, that will one hundred percent understand.

No one but Jesus. Jesus who always responds perfectly. He is the one who always knows what to say or what not to say.

It seems like the people that you are closest to are the ones that have been there with you through the good times and the bad times. The friendships that aren’t superficial, the ones that are real. It seems like the deepest relationships are with people who have seen you at your worst, your lowest, your most hurt and still love you anyway. That’s Jesus.

We have been through A LOT together.

My relationship with Jesus is real and deep and gory. After all we have been through together I know He will never leave my side. Our relationship is messy and beautiful and painful and wonderful. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Without the deep hurt, the hard questions, I wouldn’t know the deep love that far surpasses any doubts I may have.

After all, faith isn't really faith unless its tested. The most valuable faith is the one that's been tested and tried.

The times when it’s just me and Him and I’m arguing, questioning, wrestling, struggling are the times when I feel Him pull me closest. So even though I sometimes may complain and want those times to end, I need those times. Because during those times, a real deep intimate true relationship is forming. A solid foundation on which I can stand and look back and remember His faithfulness.

Instead of Jesus saving me from a particular hurt, I would rather Him hold my hand and stay by my side. 

To hear Him say, "Instead of protecting you from that hurt, I would rather love you through it." 

Sometimes all we can do is trust the healer, even when it still hurts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BopgcwHyzkM