Choosing to believe truth

I am so thankful for women in my life who speak truth to me. I am so thankful for a God who constantly showers me in truth. I am a huge feeler who feels things very deeply so it’s easy for me to get carried away with the way I am feeling even if its irrational or untrue. I need people to remind me and to ground me.

The Lord used something amazing to speak to me. I was thinking about a couple of people that I minister to and I was frustrated and thought, “I can tell you about Jesus until I’m blue in the face but ultimately you have to make a choice and I cant make it for you.” No matter how badly I desire for these people to know truth, I can’t force them to.

And I heard God speak these words to me, “Kaitlyn, those are the very same words that I’m speaking to you. I can speak words of truth over you but at some point you have to choose whether or not to believe them. At some point you have to decide that you are going to believe what I’ve said about you, about who I am, and about how I love you.” And If I desire so much for those I love to know and live out truth, how much more does my Father in Heaven desire that I live out of a place of truth and not of emotion?

In life it’s not about what you may feel or not feel at the moment, it’s about making a choice. No one else can make it for you. Others can preach to you, remind you, and encourage you, but only you can decide to live based on truth. You are the one who has to surrender your will. You are the only who has to die to self again and again and again. You are the one who gets to decide that you will live in victory and not defeat.

God has made me someone who feels things deeply and is sensitive and emotional and perceptive. Sometimes I dislike this about myself but I see how God uses these parts of me to make me more compassionate and that He is going to use this in my ministry as a counselor.

But the devil also knows about this part of me. And one of the things he does to trip me up is to make me think that the way that I’m feeling is truth, even if it’s not. This can be damaging because it sows discouragement, insecurity, and indecisiveness.  

I’m not saying emotions are bad, emotions are good things but we need to carefully hold them up to the word of God and see whether or not they are true. We need to not RELY on them, but we need to rely on God’s truth. If the way I am feeling is based off of a lie that the enemy just fed me, then I am not living in a place of freedom and truth. The devil sows discouragement, condemnation, and all sorts of ugly lies. I refuse to let his lies dictate how I feel.

Living based on how you are feeling is not only deceptive it is incredibly exhausting. And I’m too exhausted to do this for even one more day. Tomorrow I am going to get up early and let my knees hit the floor. And if my selfish flesh that wants another hour of sleep wins out, I’m going to get up the next morning and try again. Satan lies and says, “You couldn’t do it yesterday, what makes you think you can do it today? You’ll never be able to do it.” And pretty soon we have given up trying entirely. 

But I’m not going to try out of my own strength because I have seen that fail too many times. I am going to ask God for His supernatural power to wake up because I am confident that His power in me can do that which I am not capable of on my own. I am realizing that pride comes from basing outcomes on my ability or inability. The place of return is the cross of Christ, not a commitment to try harder.

I need to focus more on God and what He can do through me instead of what I can or cannot do. He must become greater and I must become lesser.

I appreciate so much that even though the way we feel changes rapidly, God’s truth never changes. In a whirlwind of emotion, He is the one steady, solid rock that always brings clarity and peace.

I am choosing to declare that what God says is true even if I might not always feel like believing it. I am choosing to believe that He loves me and has good plans for my life. I am choosing to believe that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I am choosing to believe that His grace is sufficient for my weakness.

I am choosing to believe truth.

To give your life away

When God shows up, things happen, when God meets you, things change.

I used to dream in shades of self-protection. I used to dream of a white picket fence and a safe little home and community.

I used to dream of making MY life the very best it could be. All of my concerns were about MY safety, MY comfort, MY desires. In a lot of ways this is how we as Americans are taught to live, with a self-focus.

It isn’t wrong to want those things; it only becomes a problem when you refuse to accept from God anything other than those things. To make demands of God and get grumpy when He fails to deliver in the way that you think He should. I still have those dreams but now I’m making room for some new ones too. I’m becoming okay with my plan not happening the way I want it to.

Its not that I won't still have a family and a house in suburbia. Maybe I will, but for the first time I'm okay with not having that.

I'm unclenching my fists.

 Now I am okay if God has a different plan for me. This wasn't an easy thing to come to; I wrestled with God until I couldn't wrestle anymore. I know that whatever His plan is, it is SO much better than anything I can think up.

I no longer have a death grip on my dreams; the only thing I want to have a death grip on is Jesus.

Before, I only determined to keep myself happy and desensitized to pain but now I long to dive into the wreckage with others and bring them the hope that is Jesus. Whether that be in Cambodia or in a counseling office in the United States, there is pain and need and wreckage everywhere. I'm waiting to hear where He wants to send me or keep me. 

Its not that I won't come back, I just want to go. For a week, a month, a year, whatever He wants.

For the longest time I was too afraid to go anywhere outside of my safe little bubble. What a sad life that is.

Now I dream of Haitian slums, Belizean safe houses, and Cambodian orphanages.

Now I dream of giving my life away.

And that’s all God. Because on my own I am so far from wanting any of those things.

When God shows up and meets you, things change, you change. He met me and I know I will never ever be the same.

I am so thankful, so thankful that He loves me the way I am but won't leave me there.

I have to trust that God will be with me wherever I go and that HE IS ENOUGH. Just Him is enough. He invites me to let His words have the final say. He invites me to a new way of loving that I had never known before. A love that is brave and that when met with opposition loves back even harder and more persistently. The same way that He loves me.

Unclench your fists; He has such beautiful things to drop in your hands.

Matthew 13:44

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field

Christmas: Love came down

I'll admit that sometimes around Christmas I feel a bit cynical. I've never been one to get excited about Santa clause, excessive shopping, crowds at the mall, or songs about reindeer.

Since I've become a Christian I have really enjoyed holidays like Thanksgiving, Easter, and Christmas so much more than I ever did before. Now the holidays actually have meaning and now I actually feel like I have something to celebrate!

We do lots of things to make Christmas special, put your kids on Santa’s lap, sing Christmas carols, drink eggnog, open presents. 

While none of these things are bad, if that’s all you’ve got, the holiday can end up feeling a bit hollow and superficial. At least for me anyway.

Some people get upset, saying that Jesus wasn’t actually born in December. And you know what? I don’t care. Does it matter whether or not He was born in a certain month for us to celebrate anyway? I don’t care when He was born; I’m too busy celebrating that HE WAS BORN! 

But the thing that will take your breathe away? 

The real thing to be in awe of?

The real miracle of Christmas?

The real miracle is that God Himself left the comfort and splendor of Heaven for a cold, smelly manger with scraps for clothes and hay for a pillow.

The real miracle is that the god of the universe wrapped Himself in skin and bones.

The real miracle is that the hands that hung the moon and stars became tiny and childlike.  

The real miracle is that the God who commands the winds and waves allowed his creation to rock him to sleep. 

Jesus didn't have to endure cold nights, sore feet, cruel humans, runny noses, and a  limited body. At any moment He could have snapped His fingers and had angels sweep Him back up into paradise. He chose our world so that one day we might live with Him in His. 

He could have chosen to be born in a mansion, and yet He chose a lowly, dirty manger. In every single circumstance Jesus chose the worst option. Jesus chose to become the least of these in every single situation.

Why did He do that?

One word: LOVE.

Only a love like His, that is perfect, unending, unconditional would choose the very worst for Himself so that we might have the very best for ourselves.

And the very best isn’t a nice house, presents under the tree, or job security. The very best is having Him. It’s nice to have all of those things but the very best for us is to have Him, and that’s enough.

Jesus chose the very worst so that not a single person on this earth would be able to look to God and say, “You don’t understand.” Because He does, He’s the only one who does.

 The reason that Christmas is so holy is because LOVE CAME DOWN. Love Himself stooped all the way down to the dirt and dust and became one of us. Love came down to rescue us. Thank God He did.

Not feeling in the holiday mood? Remember that love came down for you and that enough is reason to celebrate. Don't feel like you have to rush around trying to find the perfect tree, the perfect gifts, or grumbling that you don't have the perfect family. Remember that you have been given a perfect savior. 

Jesus came down to save us and now we must respond to that action. Right after the angels announced Jesus’ birth to the shepherds the very first thing they did was set out to worship Him. I love the song lyric, “Oh, Come let us adore Him.” The dictionary defines the word, “Adore,” as, "To regard with the utmost esteem, love, and respect; honor."

The shepherds had hearts that were full of worship for someone that they had not yet met. As Christians, our ENTIRE lives should be lived in a state of constant adoration.

The greatest news ever told:

Luke 1:8

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great joy for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is the Messiah, the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying, “Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.”

To Have Courage

A good friend of mine recently bought this picture for me because I told her how much I love it. I love the way that the word courage has broken out of the darkness into this beautiful bright color. I love the splatters and the random colors everywhere. Courage is messy. I wouldn't define courage as standing tall completely confident and unafraid. No, courage means taking one tiny terrified step of obedience after another. 

I love the word courage. Not that I have courage, but that always I've needed it. And God always provides it. Not that he provides courage by removing fear, but courage comes from knowing that He is holding my hand through everything. Knowing that the Lord of heaven and earth has a secure grip on me. A grip that neither living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable, or absolutely anything else will ever be able to loosen. Courage doesn't mean that you are never afraid. It means that while trembling in fear, you still do the thing you think you cannot do. 

Sometimes when I say, "God, I'm too afraid to do that."

 He says, "Then do it afraid. I'll be with you." He doesn't ask for absolute courage, just absolute obedience. 

When I say, "God, I'm afraid," He doesn't offer me a million reasons why I shouldn't be afraid and why my fear is irrational. He knows me better than that. All He says is, "I'm here." And that's enough. And He reminds me that there has never been a single moment in my life that He has EVER left my side. 

Looking at this art helps me remember that God gave me courage yesterday so I know He will give me courage again today. Looking back over every part of my life I remember He gave me courage then so I know He will give me courage now. 

I've learned a lot about courage. I've learned that courage means you dare to show your whole heart. Courage means you trust anyway, you try anyway, you love anyway. That no matter how many times the world tells you that you can't, you rise up because your God has told you that you can. Courage means trying even if you're afraid you will fail. Courage means choosing to see the good even when everything is falling apart. Courage means choosing to believe God's truth despite what you may be feeling. 

We need a lot of courage to live in the world today. Thankfully our God is an endless supplier of courage. Sometimes the most courage that we can manage is to be able to ask God for courage. And God loves when we come to Him, trembling in fear and ask to be made courageous. He loves when we bring our weakness and inability because thats when His power is made perfect. Sometimes courage means surrendering to God's will for your life. Sometimes it means forgiving someone, sometimes it means asking for forgiveness. Whatever courage looks like for you at this point in your life, know that we have a God who loves to encourage and strengthen us and fill us with His courage.

Joshua 1:9 Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Come to Me- Bethel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xT_bj2qBfoI

Comparing God to people

Sometimes I miss God. Even though He’s everywhere

For me, feeling God's presence is like being wrapped in a big warm comfy hug ALL THE TIME. It’s the best. 

Except when I, ‘don’t have time,’ or I’m, ‘too busy.’

And then that’s when I start to miss him. My heart aches for just a little bit more time with him, one more word from him, five more minutes hiding away from the world resting in his comfort and stability. Because even when my entire world is falling apart, even when everything is turned upside down, when I get away with him to a quiet place, I find safety. He steadies me.

Sometimes I’m feeling convicted and a voice in my head tells me I have no right to stand before my heavenly father.

I think that sometimes the thing that keeps us from God, creates a distance between us, is us having a distorted view of who God is and who He says that we are.

Ann Voskamp said, “Why do we continue to fight God and lash about in His grasp like He’s a big Taker instead of a Giver? What is it we think He’s trying to rob us of? To whom have we compared Him so that we’ve assumed we cannot trust Him?”

To whom have YOU compared God to that distorts your view of who He actually is and how He actually responds to you?

God doesn't throw us under the bus! He isn't a nagging, constantly criticizing God who hands us an enormous list of our sins and says, "Fix all of these things about yourself and then we'll talk."

 No my God is kind. My God is loving. Though He sees my sin He never condemns me. He never heaps shame on me or makes me feel like a failure. 

Numbers 23:19 “God is not a man, that He should lie,
Nor a son of man, that He should repent.
Has He said, and will He not do?
 Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?”

Instead, He lovingly takes my hand, lifts my head that is hung down in defeat and says, "You are not alone. We are going to do it together. Trust me and I will do the work of making you more like me. Just stay close to my side."

Sometimes Jesus says to me, “I love you,” and I think, “Really Lord? Do you know me? Because I want to punch that guy who just cut me off in traffic, sometimes I choose sleep over bible reading, and I often get frustrated and don’t use my words in the most loving way. Not to mention that my scripture memorization is laughable and sometimes I let fear get the best of me." I’m a mess.

The temptation is always to save ourselves, try to clean ourselves up and THEN Jesus will love us right? But Jesus loves messes.

He loves when we acknowledge how broken and desperately in need of Him we are. God can do amazing healing work in our lives, and the best place for him to do this is right in the middle of your mess, your failure, your weakness, your insecurity, your doubt, your frustrations and fears.

It is a beautiful thing when we take all of ourselves, the parts we like and the parts we don’t like, our hurts, and trials and experiences and lay them at the foot of the cross. It is a beautiful thing when we are open and vulnerable with others, allowing them to see what God can also do with their messes. 

God is not surprised that we are messes, He knows our hearts inside and out.

He understands that our world sometimes taints our view of Him. Before I accepted Him into my heart and life, I had a very skewed perception of Him. My labels for God were, finger pointer, lightening bolt thrower, harsh, angry, critical, demanding, judgmental, unloving and uncaring.

Not such a pretty picture huh? Who would want a God like that? I sure didn’t.

I think that this is the view a lot of people have of God. And that makes me so sad, because I spent a lot of time running from a God that I thought I knew when my loving Father was waiting there the whole time with arms wide open. 

And God knows this. He is aware of all the things that my heart needs Him to be for me. He knows all of the things I thought Him to be that He is now proving He’s not.

He knows that I need him to be my dad. I need him to be my protector. My comforter. My redeemer. My healer. My friend. My counselor. My peace bringer. My refuge.

Now I know a God who’s heart overflows with love and grace. I know a God who is not only righteous and strong, but also gentle and kind.

Just like we put wrong labels on God, sometimes we put wrong labels on ourselves. But no matter what labels we stick on ourselves, the only ones that matter are the ones that He gives to us.

Precious daughter.

Sought after.

 Unblemished.

Beloved.

His.