Is He Really Enough?

Lately I’ve been grumbling in discontent. Like the Israelites grumbling in the desert, I too am grumbling for things God isn’t giving me. Like a five year old, sometimes I find myself thinking, “God, why are you being so mean? You know how much I want these things, why aren’t you giving them to me?”

And then in church they played this song,

All of You is more than enough for all of me
For every thirst and every need
You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You is more than enough 

And it stopped me cold. Because if I was being honest with myself, truly, completely honest, I haven’t been acting like He is enough for me. In fact, somewhere deep down I haven’t been feeling like he’s enough. I’ve been looking around instead of looking up.

Instead of being thankful, I’ve been bitter.

Do I really live like He is enough for EVERY need, am I COMPLETELY satisfied?

On my own I’m never satisfied and I always want more of what I don’t have and what I think I need. What I think I deserve. What I think will make me happy.

But like a father, He lovingly calls me back to Himself and says, “Come back, come back and remember.”

‘Remember that your heart was made to find satisfaction in me and nothing else could ever possibly do.

Remember how I saved you, remember how I cleansed you and washed you and loved you and kept you.’

Remember how I led you and comforted you and carried you. Remember that I cherish you.

It’s when we stop remembering that we start grumbling.

Take my heart, I lay it down at the feet of you whose crowned
Take my life, I'm letting go

And I will worship You, Lord, Only You, Lord
Be all my hopes, be all my dreams
Be all my delights, be my everything

Instead of proclaiming this during worship, I decide to sing it as a prayer. A prayer begging God to daily give me a heart that is wholly devoted to Him and satisfied in Him.

My heart wants so many other things but I am choosing to lay it down at Jesus’ feet. I am choosing to wrench my heart out of my clenched hands and give it to God. I want Him to have my entire heart

I will tell of the kindnesses of the Lord, the deeds for which he is to be praised,

according to all the Lord has done for us—according to his compassion and many kindnesses. He said, “Surely they are my people, children who will be true to me”; and so he became their Savior…In his love and mercy he redeemed them; he lifted them up and carried them. Isaiah 63

To be Known by God

Every moment we make a choice. We make a choice to either hide or to allow ourselves to be known.

It's scary to let God know us. It’s terrifying to invite Him to examine our hearts.

Of course He already knows every single thing about us but its so different to confess it ourselves. To confess, “This is who I am Lord, every part. Will you still have me?” 

And to hear Him say, “I know who you are. I know everything about you and I will never ever stop loving you.”

Such grace.

Being known by God develops intimacy with God. He knows how I’m feeling, me coming to Him with how I’m feeling is what matters.

Coming to Him and laying out every part of who you are, brings you to a deeper appreciation of the fact that He loves every part of who you are. When we don’t come to God with the hard things, its as if we are pretending those things don’t exist. We pretend that God only see’s the qualities in us that we would like Him to see.

When we bare our hearts before Him we come away assured that we are still unconditionally loved and accepted.

It’s beautiful to think, ‘Jesus knows the ugliness in my heart today and He loves me anyway. Jesus knows my bitterness today and loves me anyway. Jesus knows my selfishness today and loves me anyway.'

 

Think about it for a moment. God doesn't love you because He is obligated to. God loves you for who you are as a person. He loves you for everything that makes you, you. 

We do ourselves a great disservice when we hide from God. When we try to earn His approval by presenting Him with what we think He wants to see. More than anything? He just wants your, real, honest heart. He is the one who will accept and understand you in a way that no one else on this planet is able to.

Fear, insecurity, and shame are things that teach us to hide from God. Allowing your whole self to be known by God brings freedom, security, and joy in who God has made you to be. 

Knowing things about God and being known by God are two completely different things. One is simply head knowledge and one gives life. Its one thing to believe that God already knows you completely, its another thing to open up your heart, lay it all out there, and say, "Here I am God."

The other day I said, “Lord I trust you.” And I heard, “Yes, but are you daily entrusting yourself to me?”

So I realized I must now choose to entrust to God the knowledge of who I am, every single part of me, every single day, every single moment. 

Be brave enough to let him know you. Trust Him with who you are, who you aren’t, and who you hope to be.

Can we really be known by others until we have allowed ourselves to be fully known by God? Can we even know ourselves until we have allowed ourselves to be known by God?

It is a choice that we must make everyday. To not try to put on a show for God but to finally take off the mask and let Him see us. He is waiting to comfort us, waiting to heal us, if only we would turn to Him and be real. If only we would let ourselves be known.

Every moment we make a choice. We make a choice to either hide or to allow ourselves to be known. Today I choose to be known.

To swim to Jesus

Here’s a revelation I am being reminded of:

GOD DOESN’T JUST LOVE US ON OUR GOOD DAYS. Crazy right? Jesus doesn’t smile and pat us on the back on the days when we are patient and kind and honest and shake his head in disgust when we are bitter and inpatient and afraid.

Logically this makes perfect sense based on the all loving, kind father that we know God is. But sometimes I forget to live out this truth.

When I fail, after I repent and ask for forgiveness, I often hang my head in shame and refuse to meet my Father’s eyes. After a day my head slowly rises as I feel I have beaten myself up for a long enough time.

Letting our circumstances control our emotions is like being on a boat in a storm, with us bobbing up and down with every new trial.

It’s enough to make anyone a little seasick.

We NEED to be anchored in God’s truth. We have to be, there’s no other way.

And the truth? We are loved. God does not condemn us, he convicts us with the intent to quickly forgive and restore us. We need to be constantly aware of the father’s tender heart toward us.

One disciple who knew Jesus’ heart was Peter.

Peter denied Jesus not once but THREE times. There is no denying that he blew it big time. Peter promised that he would lay down his life for Jesus but instead he denied even knowing His savior.

So after the resurrection when Jesus called to the disciples Peter hid behind the others and averted his eyes in shame, right?

Nope. Instead, Peter jumped out of the boat into the cold water and swam all the way to Jesus. I imagine that a dripping wet Peter fell down at Jesus’ feet and threw his arms around him. Because Peter walked with Jesus and had seen firsthand how Jesus LOVES to forgive.

When we sin, when we fail and mess up and fail to measure up, that is when we must jump out of the boat and swim to Jesus. Don’t wait until the boat reaches shore, jump out and get to your savior as quickly as possible! The quicker you get yourself to Jesus, the quicker your reconciliation and redemption and cleansing can happen.

We don’t bring Jesus our good deeds and hope that they outweigh the bad. We bring Him a repentant heart that’s only longing is to be close to Him once more. I don’t want sin or shame to steal one single precious moment of intimacy with my Jesus.

I frequently find myself falling at Jesus’ feet and confessing my great desire to be reconciled to him.

Hebrews 4:16 “Let us then approach God's throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

Like Peter, I too have walked with Jesus and I have seen His mighty hand working powerfully in my life. I have seen with my own two eyes the way that His gracious kindness is quick to forgive my stumbling little heart.

In my life I have seen Him as one who breaks chains. I have seen Him as one who heals. One who redeems. One who restores. One who loves. There is no one who will love you more or better than Jesus. His love brings freedom and wholeness. God is ALWAYS good and we are ALWAYS loved.

 

Romans 8:37-39 “No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Learning to surrender all

Without fail, whenever I hear the song, “I surrender all” tears spring to my eyes. 

This song reminds me of a little ten year old girl standing in the sanctuary of Calvary Philadelphia week after week hearing that same melody softly start to play as the pastor began an alter call. My knees shook and my fingers tightly gripped the wooden bench in front of me. 

I stood torn between longing to walk down that long aisle and surrender all to a God that the pastor said loved me and my fear that this God wasn’t looking for someone like me. 

Looking around I saw people crying and others making that long walk and I wished desperately that I could have what they had found but I didn’t know how. But something about that song reached in and grabbed my heart and gave a mighty tug. 

Every single week that tug came and it only seemed to get stronger. But my fears and my doubts and my misconceptions about who He was convinced me to shove that tug away and pretend that I didn’t feel it. When in reality I had never felt anything more deeply. 

I'm giving You my heart, all that is within, I lay it all down, for the sake of You my King.

I'm giving You my dreams, laying down my rights I'm giving up my pride, for the promise of new life

When my dad asked how I liked the service I would shrug, not knowing how to explain the battle that happened inside my heart every week. Whenever I went to church when I was young the service bored me and I would be half asleep, having not heard a word the pastor said. But as soon as the worship leader started to play that song my heart would suddenly start racing.

I'm singing You this song, I'm waiting at the cross and all the world holds dear, I count it all as loss

For the sake of knowing You, for the glory of Your name, to know the lasting joy, even sharing in Your pain

When I heard that line, "I'm waiting at the cross," I always pictured Jesus waiting beside the cross, waiting for me to come. I wish I had come sooner.

 I know now that tug was God pursuing me and pulling me towards Him. He gave me a choice. To walk towards Him or to walk away from Him. But I didn’t know Him, I didn’t know He was good and safe and kind and loving. I’m sure I was told all of those things but my heart wasn’t ready to believe it. And so I chose to go my own way. But He waited. 

And while He waited He kept pursuing me. I remember being in the car with my dad and a christian song would come on the radio. With panic I recognized that little tug, and, heart racing, I quickly changed the station.

I thought, "Don't believe there's a God who loves you and who wants to save you and make you new. Don't get your hopes up." 

And so He waited some more.

And sitting on the floor of a young life camp some eight years later a song started playing and I felt that tug again. Except this time I was ready. Living life my way for all those years had brought me to a place of emptiness where all I had left to hope in was Him. 

I still didn’t have any answers and I was still just as confused and hurt as I was when I was ten. I still wasn’t entirely convinced that He was good and safe and kind and loving but I knew that I had to find out for myself.

 By that time I knew enough to realize that nothing could save me but Him. I still didn’t know what it meant to surrender, all I knew was to cling to Jesus for dear life.

 Last night I laid in bed listening to music as I tried to fall asleep. And our song came on. And I felt that tug. That tug that says, “Move closer, come near, I’m waiting.” And all I can do is say thank you. I think of that little girl and I say, "Thank you Jesus, thank you for waiting for me. And thank you Jesus because for twenty two years (whether I knew it or not) you never left my side."

And I surrender all to You, all to You
And I surrender all to You, all to You