How sweet it is to Trust in Jesus

His faithfulness never fails to astound me. His goodness makes me want to throw my head back and laugh in happiness.

May these hallelujahs be multiplied

A year and a half ago God told me that I would go to Cairn University and become a counselor. I was hopeful, but doubts were creeping up in my mind.

Sophomore year of college I sat in my car crying because my GPA just missed the requirements to be an education major. I thought I wanted to be a teacher and suddenly that door had closed I felt like all my dreams were crushed. I didn’t understand what God was doing, I didn’t understand why He wasn’t giving me clear direction. All of my friends were confident about where their lives were going and I felt stuck and directionless.

I didn’t understand what God was doing, but He knew what He was doing. He had a beautiful plan for me.

I am so incredibly grateful that God didn't let me become an education major. I'm so glad that He didn't let me have my own way. Instead, because He is a good father, He lovingly steered me in the right direction. 

Looking back I see that God clearly spent a year developing my trust in Him. He only ever allowed me to see two steps ahead of me, while I’m the kind of person who likes to look a mile ahead. When family asked what my next steps and goals for the future were it panicked me a bit to have to say, “I’m not sure. God hasn’t showed me that far yet.”

He gave me tiny bits at a time.

I want you to help hurting people

A month later

 I want you to be a counselor

A month later

I want you to go to grad school

A month later

I want you to go to Cairn University

And I spent the whole year saying, “But God what about this? What about that?” I felt frustrated because I couldn't see where I was going. But He knew.

It seemed like an impossible situation. There were so many things I was unsure of, so many reasons to worry.

I had no choice but to trust. And as I began to trust I began to feel safe. For the first time, He was in the drivers seat and I wasn’t needlessly calling out directions from the backseat.

The Lord is so wise. He knew that the way to build my trust was carefully and slowly over that one year.  

I began to experience great joy as I let Him carry the weight while I simply rested in His will.

And now I see that He has led me exactly where He promised He would.

I know that I have read His promises over and over and I have heard His promises over and over.

But the other day these realizations hit me fresh and brand new all over again and left me crying like it was the very first time I had ever heard them.

He is good to me.

He loves me.

He is taking care of me.

He’s not going to leave me or abandon me

He has good plans for my life

Oh that I would always remember these sweet words.

I’m praying that Jesus would give me a heart that is always full to the brim with His truths. He knows that even though I know these truths, I constantly need them reinforced. And He promises that He will always be reminding me.

I’m so in awe of His faithfulness. So in awe of His trustworthiness. Every time I think I couldn’t possibly love Him anymore than I already do, He gives me one thousand more reasons to fall even more in love with Him. I’m content to spend the rest of my life falling more in love with Him.

I know that in the future doubts will try to wiggle their way back into my brain. So I am putting down a memorial stone right now. The next time I am tempted to despair I will look back and remember the Lord’s faithfulness to me, and how He kept His promise to me.

Numbers 23:19 God is not human, that he should lie, not a human being, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?

Comparing God to people

Sometimes I miss God. Even though He’s everywhere

For me, feeling God's presence is like being wrapped in a big warm comfy hug ALL THE TIME. It’s the best. 

Except when I, ‘don’t have time,’ or I’m, ‘too busy.’

And then that’s when I start to miss him. My heart aches for just a little bit more time with him, one more word from him, five more minutes hiding away from the world resting in his comfort and stability. Because even when my entire world is falling apart, even when everything is turned upside down, when I get away with him to a quiet place, I find safety. He steadies me.

Sometimes I’m feeling convicted and a voice in my head tells me I have no right to stand before my heavenly father.

I think that sometimes the thing that keeps us from God, creates a distance between us, is us having a distorted view of who God is and who He says that we are.

Ann Voskamp said, “Why do we continue to fight God and lash about in His grasp like He’s a big Taker instead of a Giver? What is it we think He’s trying to rob us of? To whom have we compared Him so that we’ve assumed we cannot trust Him?”

To whom have YOU compared God to that distorts your view of who He actually is and how He actually responds to you?

God doesn't throw us under the bus! He isn't a nagging, constantly criticizing God who hands us an enormous list of our sins and says, "Fix all of these things about yourself and then we'll talk."

 No my God is kind. My God is loving. Though He sees my sin He never condemns me. He never heaps shame on me or makes me feel like a failure. 

Numbers 23:19 “God is not a man, that He should lie,
Nor a son of man, that He should repent.
Has He said, and will He not do?
 Or has He spoken, and will He not make it good?”

Instead, He lovingly takes my hand, lifts my head that is hung down in defeat and says, "You are not alone. We are going to do it together. Trust me and I will do the work of making you more like me. Just stay close to my side."

Sometimes Jesus says to me, “I love you,” and I think, “Really Lord? Do you know me? Because I want to punch that guy who just cut me off in traffic, sometimes I choose sleep over bible reading, and I often get frustrated and don’t use my words in the most loving way. Not to mention that my scripture memorization is laughable and sometimes I let fear get the best of me." I’m a mess.

The temptation is always to save ourselves, try to clean ourselves up and THEN Jesus will love us right? But Jesus loves messes.

He loves when we acknowledge how broken and desperately in need of Him we are. God can do amazing healing work in our lives, and the best place for him to do this is right in the middle of your mess, your failure, your weakness, your insecurity, your doubt, your frustrations and fears.

It is a beautiful thing when we take all of ourselves, the parts we like and the parts we don’t like, our hurts, and trials and experiences and lay them at the foot of the cross. It is a beautiful thing when we are open and vulnerable with others, allowing them to see what God can also do with their messes. 

God is not surprised that we are messes, He knows our hearts inside and out.

He understands that our world sometimes taints our view of Him. Before I accepted Him into my heart and life, I had a very skewed perception of Him. My labels for God were, finger pointer, lightening bolt thrower, harsh, angry, critical, demanding, judgmental, unloving and uncaring.

Not such a pretty picture huh? Who would want a God like that? I sure didn’t.

I think that this is the view a lot of people have of God. And that makes me so sad, because I spent a lot of time running from a God that I thought I knew when my loving Father was waiting there the whole time with arms wide open. 

And God knows this. He is aware of all the things that my heart needs Him to be for me. He knows all of the things I thought Him to be that He is now proving He’s not.

He knows that I need him to be my dad. I need him to be my protector. My comforter. My redeemer. My healer. My friend. My counselor. My peace bringer. My refuge.

Now I know a God who’s heart overflows with love and grace. I know a God who is not only righteous and strong, but also gentle and kind.

Just like we put wrong labels on God, sometimes we put wrong labels on ourselves. But no matter what labels we stick on ourselves, the only ones that matter are the ones that He gives to us.

Precious daughter.

Sought after.

 Unblemished.

Beloved.

His.