Feeling World Weary

The other night I was feeling tired. Not tired physically, I was feeling world weary. 

You know, those days when all that you see around you in the world is loss and brokenness and sin and your heart has just been weighed down too far. The kind of day that makes you ask, "God, where are you? Don't you care? Don't you see?" 

The days when you can't remember how to not take all the hurt of the world into yourself. Days when you hear stories of slavery and exploitation and abuse in faraway countries and your stomach drops and you grasp for some finite way to help and come up empty. When you long to reach out and embrace and comfort and speak words of truth, but your arms can't reach that far. 

Driving home a couple of nights ago I heard these words on the radio and they said everything I was feeling. This time your heart has had enough, sick and tired of everything that's so messed up.

Do you ever just get so tired of living in this world that has fallen so far? I recently heard the story of a little girl in Latin America who was abused. And I wish more than anything that I could tell her face to face of the infinite value and worth she has as God's precious daughter. I wish I could tell her that God made her for so much more than to be used to satisfy someone's selfish desires. 

God is so good to me. He is the ultimate comforter, my ultimate comforter. In moments like this He draws Himself closer so that we can grieve together in agreement. I so love that God never rushes me through sorrow or demands my joy. He gave me almost two days to feel sad before He greeted me with words of comfort and truth. 

A lot of times when we're sad we don't want people to try to comfort us or give us nice answers. We just want someone to be sad with us, and thats what God did for me. 

He most often ministers to me through music. Today He met me in a quiet place with a song whose words speak to my soul and reach my heart. 

I asked, "God where are you?" And He answered,
I am the Lord your God, I go before you now. 
I stand beside you, I'm all around you.
Though you feel I'm far away, I'm closer than your breath.
I am with you, more than you know

God asked me why I feel the need to carry the weight of the world when it is He who is my peace.

I am the Lord your peace, no evil will conquer you.
 Steady now your heart and mind, come into My rest. 
Oh, let your faith arise, lift up your weary head. 
I am with you wherever you go
. Don't look to the right or to the left but keep your eyes on Me. 
You will not be shaken, you will not be moved. I am the hand to hold

One  thing that spoke to me the most was the line, "Come into my rest." 

Don't we rush around trying to be everything, do everything, fix everything? We feel like we need all the answers. But God gently invites us to come away with Him to a quiet place. To come into His rest and experience His peace. 

Resting in His peace I feel like I can keep on loving in this crazy, messed up world. That I can start looking for the good in bad situations. That in depravity, I can look for reasons to be thankful. 

That doesn't mean my heart no longer feels the hurts of our world. It means that I can take all of that hurt to my heavenly Father whose arms DO reach far enough to wrap around the whole world. My God's arms wrap around the orphan and the widow, the hopeless and helpless, the broken, the lost, and afraid. I can take all of the hurt to my God who is in the process of redeeming everything. 

What is there in your life that is pulling you down? What is God asking you to bring to Him? 

The God Who See's Me

Last week I learned a lot about God. I used God’s word to demolish some false truths and beliefs that I had stored up in my head.

I have this unfortunate habit of feeling unworthy to be called Gods child. I doubt that God loves me, despite His constant, reliable reminders that He does.

It seems like God has to hit me over the head to get me to understand.

And God did hit me over the head as I stared up at my ceiling every night and asked the same questions over and over again. I laid out to God the same requests, the same fears, the same hurts that seem to follow me around like shadows. I told God that sometimes I just feel so less than. 

And I heard God saying to me clearly,

“What more could I do to make you understand? What more could I say, what more could I promise? Stop trying to fight for my love when its yours already! Stop trying to earn it! There is absolutely nothing you can do to earn my love. it’s a free gift, accept it. Stop trying to make yourself worthy, stop trying to redeem yourself, that’s my job.”

There are women in the bible who we see God loving so deeply and have so much compassion for. And I read their stories and I feel like I know them.

The woman caught in adultery, instead of condemning her, Jesus has mercy on her. Instead of the woman being the one filled with shame, Jesus turns the shame around on her accusers. He stoops down in the dirt with her!

This story made me realize that God is not high up in the sky looking down at me from some distant place. He is down here with me in my sometimes messy, complicated life. He is always right beside me down here in the dirt. I am not alone because He shoulders my burden.

Hagar. She was a slave, used to bring someone else what they wanted and then abused by the person who had treated her like an object. But the Lord found her! And He asked her where she was going. Of course He knew, but He cared enough to ask. Hagar is a woman who is running away from a life of having such little value and being mistreated so deeply.

God gives her some instructions she might not have wanted to hear, but He also gives her a promise. I always find God’s promises incredibly comforting. He says that He has heard her misery. How wonderful that must have been for her to feel as though no one cares for her and then to learn that God has heard her misery.

I love learning the different names of God and what they mean. I love Jehovah Rapha, The Lord our healer, and Jehovah Shalom, the Lord is peace

But my favorite, the one that means the most to me is Jehovah El Roi. This is the name that Hagar gave to God when He found her in the wilderness.

Jehovah El Roi. He is the God who SEE’S ME. There is something so comforting, so reassuring to know that God sees, and knows, and completely understands every single facet of who I am and where I’ve been. I don’t have to explain myself to Him, and I don’t have to prove myself to Him. I can go to Him with absolutely ANYTHING because He gets it.

I am important to God, I am cherished by Him, treasured by Him. Even though its hard for me to understand this kind of love, I trust that because God says He loves me like that, He absolutely loves me like that. He see’s everything about me and He loves me the same. Is there anything better than being loved by God?

I was cleaning out my room and I found this note that I had written to God months and months ago, pouring out my heart about how I felt about a difficult situation. When I read the last part I had written (below) I was so overwhelmed. In the present I had forgotten the truths that I had written down months before. Now it hangs on my wall so I can read it everyday until it is written on my heart.

He see’s your weariness, and offers His strength
He see’s your feelings of inadequacy, and offers His grace
He see’s your pain and suffers beside you
He see’s your doubt and gives you reason to trust Him
He see’s your worry and anger and offers you peace
He see’s you stumble and helps you back on your feet
He see’s your small steps of obedience and cheers you on.


Song Recommendation: Who You Are by Unspoken

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcgRMJlLCcU

Letting God take control

BASILEA!! Where do I even start???

Driving up I really had no idea what to expect of this years Basilea. I was excited, but I was also sad. When I came to Rider I quickly made friends with many sophomores, juniors, and seniors. ( I don’t know why, I’m always the baby in my group of friends). Next year I will be a senior! (not ready to talk about THAT yet!).

But that means that everyone I got really close to will now be gone. Of course there are more people in my life now and I’m so incredibly glad they’re staying, but its still hard to say goodbye to those that are leaving. I’m saying goodbye to the first group of people who welcomed me in and who I have learned to love.

Thankfully God gave me peace in this area, and it wasn’t until the last day of Basilea that I remembered I had to say goodbye.

That week God showed me so much. I’ve been searching everywhere for what God wants me to do and how He wants to use my life to bring him glory. It wasn’t until I got alone with God six hours away from my home, on a rock in the middle of the woods, that I finally heard His answer.

I get distracted really really easily. So I was sitting on this rock trying to clear my mind and listen for that still, small voice. And these birds kept making the loudest squawking noises you ever heard. I was so frustrated, until I heard this verse in my head,

Luke 19:40

“I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”
I was so humbled. I was so focused on myself and the way that I thought I needed to hear God, that I almost missed the way that He wanted to speak to me. I was just so in awe of the fact that every single part of nature glorifies God. The birds, the color of the trees, the beautiful waves, mossy rocks, it all reflected God’s character and made me love Him more.

We were also learning about Joshua this week and how God commanded him to be strong and courageous. Of course this is a message that I needed to hear.

Joshua 1:9

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

This year feels a bit intimidating to me, because I wont be surrounded by the same comforting people that I always have been.

But I’m starting to realize that that’s a good thing. Right about the time I start getting comfortable, that’s when I need to take a risk for Jesus. Joshua didn’t know what he would face going into Jericho, and I don’t know what I will face going into this year. But whatever it is, I will stand tall with confidence and boldness because my God is with me wherever I go.

I’m so grateful for all the prayer I got during my week at Basilea, and the long talks I had with people. I’m grateful for God slowly preparing me to face a new adventure and continually discard things that try to take His place as center of my life.

And while people leaving is still not my favorite thing, I have come to realize that people come and people leave and that’s just the way it goes. I have made new friends and said goodbye to old ones. Of course the goodbye is only temporary, but it still stings.

This chapter of my life is coming to an end. But you cant spend forever moping over the things that you had to let go of, or your going to miss some really amazing things that are ahead.

Reminding myself that in life there is a time for everything, and God’s timing is perfect.

Ecclesiastes 3
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace

I'm starting to realize that I cant control everything! I cant keep everything comfortable and perfect and exactly the way I want it.

Because life is messy!! But someone I trust very much just told me that sometimes in order for God to work, He needs to start with a mess. I am unclenching my fists, and allowing God to take over. I know that God has a good plan for my life and for the lives of my friends. This year might be exactly what it takes for me to step out of my comfort zone, because I know from experience, that’s where God works best

　
Song recommendation: “A better way,” by Downhere.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfxrKLo4hic