Feeling World Weary

The other night I was feeling tired. Not tired physically, I was feeling world weary. 

You know, those days when all that you see around you in the world is loss and brokenness and sin and your heart has just been weighed down too far. The kind of day that makes you ask, "God, where are you? Don't you care? Don't you see?" 

The days when you can't remember how to not take all the hurt of the world into yourself. Days when you hear stories of slavery and exploitation and abuse in faraway countries and your stomach drops and you grasp for some finite way to help and come up empty. When you long to reach out and embrace and comfort and speak words of truth, but your arms can't reach that far. 

Driving home a couple of nights ago I heard these words on the radio and they said everything I was feeling. This time your heart has had enough, sick and tired of everything that's so messed up.

Do you ever just get so tired of living in this world that has fallen so far? I recently heard the story of a little girl in Latin America who was abused. And I wish more than anything that I could tell her face to face of the infinite value and worth she has as God's precious daughter. I wish I could tell her that God made her for so much more than to be used to satisfy someone's selfish desires. 

God is so good to me. He is the ultimate comforter, my ultimate comforter. In moments like this He draws Himself closer so that we can grieve together in agreement. I so love that God never rushes me through sorrow or demands my joy. He gave me almost two days to feel sad before He greeted me with words of comfort and truth. 

A lot of times when we're sad we don't want people to try to comfort us or give us nice answers. We just want someone to be sad with us, and thats what God did for me. 

He most often ministers to me through music. Today He met me in a quiet place with a song whose words speak to my soul and reach my heart. 

I asked, "God where are you?" And He answered,
I am the Lord your God, I go before you now. 
I stand beside you, I'm all around you.
Though you feel I'm far away, I'm closer than your breath.
I am with you, more than you know

God asked me why I feel the need to carry the weight of the world when it is He who is my peace.

I am the Lord your peace, no evil will conquer you.
 Steady now your heart and mind, come into My rest. 
Oh, let your faith arise, lift up your weary head. 
I am with you wherever you go
. Don't look to the right or to the left but keep your eyes on Me. 
You will not be shaken, you will not be moved. I am the hand to hold

One  thing that spoke to me the most was the line, "Come into my rest." 

Don't we rush around trying to be everything, do everything, fix everything? We feel like we need all the answers. But God gently invites us to come away with Him to a quiet place. To come into His rest and experience His peace. 

Resting in His peace I feel like I can keep on loving in this crazy, messed up world. That I can start looking for the good in bad situations. That in depravity, I can look for reasons to be thankful. 

That doesn't mean my heart no longer feels the hurts of our world. It means that I can take all of that hurt to my heavenly Father whose arms DO reach far enough to wrap around the whole world. My God's arms wrap around the orphan and the widow, the hopeless and helpless, the broken, the lost, and afraid. I can take all of the hurt to my God who is in the process of redeeming everything. 

What is there in your life that is pulling you down? What is God asking you to bring to Him? 

Learning to trust the healer

Do you ever have those times when your struggling to believe what God has said is true?

We can know things intellectually but until they get to our heart, they make little impact on our lives. Sometimes the hurt is so much that all the wisdom in the world can’t seem to make sense of it. When we know that God is sovereign, we know He loves us and is trustworthy, but those truths clash with what we see around us and the lies whispered to us.

My pastor always says that times of rest are when you need to be on alert the most. Your either in a trial, coming out of one, or about to go in one.

Lately I have definitely felt the truth of that statement. Never before have I been more aware of the spiritual battle raging on around us in our world. It seems so crazy that one day you can be so in love with Jesus and thanking Him for trials in your life, and the next day asking, “Why, Lord?” The next day all thoughts of sanctification fly out the window, as you grow bitter and angry and resentful at God for not acting as you think He should have.

But I think Jesus understands.

I think He understands the angry, tearful accusations I throw at Him when all logic goes out the window and I’m just feeling hurt.

When doubts creep in and I wonder, “Can I trust You? How do I know that what You promise is true when it doesn’t feel like it? When I cant see it?”

He understands. He knows the words are only coming from a deep hurt and so He wraps His arms around me until the hurt is muffled by love. Until all that’s left is grace.

There is no one on this earth that I can go to when I’m hurting, that will one hundred percent understand.

No one but Jesus. Jesus who always responds perfectly. He is the one who always knows what to say or what not to say.

It seems like the people that you are closest to are the ones that have been there with you through the good times and the bad times. The friendships that aren’t superficial, the ones that are real. It seems like the deepest relationships are with people who have seen you at your worst, your lowest, your most hurt and still love you anyway. That’s Jesus.

We have been through A LOT together.

My relationship with Jesus is real and deep and gory. After all we have been through together I know He will never leave my side. Our relationship is messy and beautiful and painful and wonderful. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Without the deep hurt, the hard questions, I wouldn’t know the deep love that far surpasses any doubts I may have.

After all, faith isn't really faith unless its tested. The most valuable faith is the one that's been tested and tried.

The times when it’s just me and Him and I’m arguing, questioning, wrestling, struggling are the times when I feel Him pull me closest. So even though I sometimes may complain and want those times to end, I need those times. Because during those times, a real deep intimate true relationship is forming. A solid foundation on which I can stand and look back and remember His faithfulness.

Instead of Jesus saving me from a particular hurt, I would rather Him hold my hand and stay by my side. 

To hear Him say, "Instead of protecting you from that hurt, I would rather love you through it." 

Sometimes all we can do is trust the healer, even when it still hurts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BopgcwHyzkM 

My year being 21!!!

I’m pretty sure that age 21 was the best year of my life. My freshman year of college rivals for the title of best year, because that’s the year I got saved. But as amazing as that year was, it was really hard, it was a struggle to figure out what my new life was going to look like and how to move forward. But this year it has just felt like everything fell into place.

During my 21^st year of life I went on my very first missions trip to Ireland. God granted me compassion and my heart broke for absolute strangers. This was the year that I got baptized!

21 was the year that I learned that I have a voice, and I learned how to use it. Towards the end of my 21^st year I finally learned to walk out on my own two feet. This was the year I learned to trust God, the year I learned to be obedient. I started a bible study with my mom. I learned how to cook some things (its a work in progress). This was the year Jesus gave me healing, this was the year Jesus loosed many different chains of bondage from me. This was the year God peeled away layers of hurt and sin and got to the very heart of me. The year I fell more deeply in love with Jesus.

Twenty-one was the year that I got a church family, and found a place where I belong. My twenty-first year of life I got a wonderful mentor. I stepped up to new challenges and I let go of others. I learned, I grew, and I changed. God taught me so much this year that there’s no way I could even write it all down. He showed me how much He truly loves me as a father and made it known that He is safe and that I can trust Him with absolutely anything. This was the year I learned to LET GO. I made wonderful new friends who show me more of Jesus’ character all the time.

 This 21^st year I learned to be open with others and to share more deeply. If every year is as good as this one, it would be perfect. But I know every year wont be just like this one, and that’s okay. Life is full of seasons, every one different but each equally necessary. I’m not saying this year was perfect, there were some really hard times. But this year made me laugh more, and it made my heart lighter. I’m so grateful for this wonderful year and every single person who makes my life so great.

Song recommendation: Beautiful things http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIroFNU1Y-Y