God blessed the broken road

I used to really dislike the song, “God Blessed the Broken Road.” I just thought it was stupid and corny…but NOW I love it. Well, its starting to grow on me. I listened to a bible teacher talking about that song and relating it to their walk with Jesus and something just hit me! In my head usually things make sense but it takes a while longer for my heart to catch up. While listening to the teacher talk about the song in that way, my heart suddenly caught up.

Suddenly, things that seemed to be so important before, didn’t even matter anymore. God frequently completely flip flops my perspective on things and it rocks my world. It takes me days to comprehend what He is showing me, and to try to wrap my mind around how awesome He is.

Before I had always thought of the song lyrics as a boyfriend/girlfriend thing, but thinking about Jesus instead really opened my eyes to things I had never seen before.

Every long lost dream led me to where you are, others who broke my heart, they were like northern stars, pointing me on my way into your loving arms

Everything seems different when you stop saying to the people who have hurt you in the past, “That was a horrible thing to do, I expect an apology,” and say instead, “It doesn’t matter anymore, thanks for pointing me to Jesus.”

That person I thought was such a problem, well maybe they were just a part of the process. Things from your past sure look different when you stop feeling forever regretful about them and start looking at them instead as a gift.

 

                                                    

I think about the years I've spent, just passing through, I'd like to have the time I lost, and give it back to you. But you just smile and take my hand, You've been there, you understand, it's all part of a grander plan that is coming true.

Sometimes I think about the time before I accepted Jesus and I regret that I wasted so much time trying to find happiness and love and purpose when He was right there waiting for me the whole time. But I’m realizing that thinking about the past takes all the joy out of the present.

Life really is just a journey, with bumps and curves and turns and even some potholes. Imagine taking a really long journey and along the way you get a flat tire. And after a while you get if fixed and continue on the road. But all along the road you are still upset thinking about the flat tire and complaining that the whole trip was ruined.

That’s ridiculous right? But I think that’s what we do in life sometimes, at least I do. I keep holding onto things that happened and are over. Things that shouldn’t matter anymore because they’re over. So that’s what Jesus really said to me through that song. He said, ’Katie life is a journey! There aren’t certain moments that define the whole trip! Its all just a long road leading you to your savior.”

EVERY experience in my life LED me to Jesus, led me to my savior. If I hadn’t had the life that I did I don’t know if I would be with Jesus right now. And if I did accept Jesus, I don’t know if I would be as close to Him.

This much I know is true, that god blessed the broken road that led me straight to you

I know its true that God has blessed my life, all the good and all the bad. He has blessed my journey and He is using everything and turning it into good.

I have also found that when you stop holding onto things that don’t matter, you have a lot more time for things that actually do matter. It is the most freeing feeling.

Its one thing to acknowledge with your head that things happen and are over and need to be let go of. Its another thing entirely to have that sink into your heart and really get it. I thank God every day that I finally get it. That I have been set free and have been given from God a peace that literally passes ALL understanding.

One night I sat in my car thinking about my life before Christ and my life now and I was grasping for understanding. My life has done a one hundred percent turn in the opposite direction. And sitting in my car I couldn’t wrap my mind around the miracle that God had performed. I was as shocked as if I had seen a lame man walk or a blind man see for the first time. I just over and over again, “God how did you do that? Thank you so much.”

Three and a half years ago I came to Jesus with empty hands. I came absolutely broken. I came to Jesus with absolutely nothing. I was so empty. Now I look in the past and I see a broken road leading me straight to Jesus. I look in the future and I see endless hope and I look around me and I look within me and I am anything but empty. I am full in joy, peace, and love. I have been blessed in so many ways I cant count them all. Jesus has filled me overflowing

Listen to this song and if, like me, you don’t really like it, throw those negative thoughts about it out for the window for a couple of minutes. Think of every lyric of this song in context to Jesus.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ai8904MzY9o

The God Who See's Me

Last week I learned a lot about God. I used God’s word to demolish some false truths and beliefs that I had stored up in my head.

I have this unfortunate habit of feeling unworthy to be called Gods child. I doubt that God loves me, despite His constant, reliable reminders that He does.

It seems like God has to hit me over the head to get me to understand.

And God did hit me over the head as I stared up at my ceiling every night and asked the same questions over and over again. I laid out to God the same requests, the same fears, the same hurts that seem to follow me around like shadows. I told God that sometimes I just feel so less than. 

And I heard God saying to me clearly,

“What more could I do to make you understand? What more could I say, what more could I promise? Stop trying to fight for my love when its yours already! Stop trying to earn it! There is absolutely nothing you can do to earn my love. it’s a free gift, accept it. Stop trying to make yourself worthy, stop trying to redeem yourself, that’s my job.”

There are women in the bible who we see God loving so deeply and have so much compassion for. And I read their stories and I feel like I know them.

The woman caught in adultery, instead of condemning her, Jesus has mercy on her. Instead of the woman being the one filled with shame, Jesus turns the shame around on her accusers. He stoops down in the dirt with her!

This story made me realize that God is not high up in the sky looking down at me from some distant place. He is down here with me in my sometimes messy, complicated life. He is always right beside me down here in the dirt. I am not alone because He shoulders my burden.

Hagar. She was a slave, used to bring someone else what they wanted and then abused by the person who had treated her like an object. But the Lord found her! And He asked her where she was going. Of course He knew, but He cared enough to ask. Hagar is a woman who is running away from a life of having such little value and being mistreated so deeply.

God gives her some instructions she might not have wanted to hear, but He also gives her a promise. I always find God’s promises incredibly comforting. He says that He has heard her misery. How wonderful that must have been for her to feel as though no one cares for her and then to learn that God has heard her misery.

I love learning the different names of God and what they mean. I love Jehovah Rapha, The Lord our healer, and Jehovah Shalom, the Lord is peace

But my favorite, the one that means the most to me is Jehovah El Roi. This is the name that Hagar gave to God when He found her in the wilderness.

Jehovah El Roi. He is the God who SEE’S ME. There is something so comforting, so reassuring to know that God sees, and knows, and completely understands every single facet of who I am and where I’ve been. I don’t have to explain myself to Him, and I don’t have to prove myself to Him. I can go to Him with absolutely ANYTHING because He gets it.

I am important to God, I am cherished by Him, treasured by Him. Even though its hard for me to understand this kind of love, I trust that because God says He loves me like that, He absolutely loves me like that. He see’s everything about me and He loves me the same. Is there anything better than being loved by God?

I was cleaning out my room and I found this note that I had written to God months and months ago, pouring out my heart about how I felt about a difficult situation. When I read the last part I had written (below) I was so overwhelmed. In the present I had forgotten the truths that I had written down months before. Now it hangs on my wall so I can read it everyday until it is written on my heart.

He see’s your weariness, and offers His strength
He see’s your feelings of inadequacy, and offers His grace
He see’s your pain and suffers beside you
He see’s your doubt and gives you reason to trust Him
He see’s your worry and anger and offers you peace
He see’s you stumble and helps you back on your feet
He see’s your small steps of obedience and cheers you on.


Song Recommendation: Who You Are by Unspoken

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DcgRMJlLCcU

God performs miracles today

God performs miracles today. He really does. He heals today. He redeems and restores today.

Sometimes it doesn’t feel like any of those things are possible. But then one day you wake up and you can feel the complete change God has been doing in you.

The joy that comes with healing is the most amazing, unexplainable joy way deep down inside. And you know that because of who you are as God’s child, that joy is not going to go away.

God is the very best potter that I know, and He is constantly shaping my life.

And sometimes it hurts. Being molded and shaped, and chiseled away at, is painful.

But I have finally come to the realization that GOD KNOWS WHAT HE’S DOING!

From where we stand all we can see is a lump of clay. But God see’s what He is making us into, He knows completely the glorious work to be done in our lives.

And God is using our messy, broken selves! God is using every single part of my life, all of my experiences and all of who I am to glorify His name and bring others to Him. What a joy to be used by God. How great it is that our filth can be traded in for a robe of His righteousness.

If you had told me four years ago that I would be where I am today I wouldn’t have believed you for a second. I didn’t have enough faith to even hope for what I have now.

If you had told me even a month ago, the things that God would bring me through and complete healing and transformation He would bring to my life, I would have believed those things impossible.

I truly believe the words Jesus said in Matthew 19:26, “ With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”

I no longer believe that some things are too big for God, some things not possible for Him to fix. Believing that my God can do ANYTHING, makes me so hopeful.

Song Recommendation: Here I am by downhere
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iyMZlXz4IME

God, I don’t understand, but where else would I go?

Sometimes I really just don’t understand what God is doing. I don’t see His master plan, all I see is a mess.

In John chapter 6, Jesus shares a message that a lot of the people listening, dont find easy to accept. They don’t agree with Jesus, and they definitely don’t understand what He is saying. And so they leave Him. Jesus knows what it feels like to be betrayed, to be left.

Turning to His other disciples, He asks, “You do not want to leave too, do you?”

And the words they say back to Him are so honest and filled with truth.

“Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and to know that you are the Holy One of God.”

After coming to know Jesus as your personal savior, there is nothing else anywhere that compares!

Before Jesus I have tried so many other things to make me happy, and bring contentment and to fix things. And nothing else works, it is all sinking sand. Nothing except Jesus.

Jesus is the only way even when I don’t understand, even when He doesn’t answer as I would like Him to.

In the times when its hard to understand, its hard to trust, when things don’t go the way they’re supposed to, that’s when we need to cling to God the most.

Today I literally got down on my knees, lifted my hands and said, “Lord where else would I go? I belong to You and I cant do this life without you. But sometimes its so hard to see how You’re working everything together for good. But even when nothing in the entire world seems to make sense, God, You always makes sense.

Even though I may not understand what your doing right now, I remember what You have done. You have saved my life, redeemed me, pulled me up out of a pit, and traded my filth for a robe of Your righteousness.”

No matter what your going through, no matter where you’ve come from, God is always good. God is always loving, and just, and compassionate, and forgiving, and all mighty, and holy.

In the midst of my storms, I am going to submit to You and trust You because of who You are.

Song Recommendation: Center of it, Chris August

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFlsbhsNl8o

A brand new life is calling and I owe it all to grace

I just finished a book where the author was telling a story about a hike she went on. She said the trail through thorn bushes, swamps, and mud was a difficult one, but it was all worth it when she reached the her destination. She ended up on a cliff overlooking her whole journey, and the view from the top was incredible.

That story hit me like a ton of bricks. Because that’s my life. My life before Christ was a journey through mud and thorns and swamps. But finally accepting Jesus as my savior, looking back over the long hike, it was all worth it.

At the time, those difficult situations seemed like swamps, looking back, they were stepping stones. Its funny how time can really change your perspective. Years back, in the midst of hardship I only felt despair, from where I am now I no longer feel shame or guilt.

Because I’m on the other side, I see how God has beautifully worked everything together and I feel hopeful.
 Hosea 6:1

“Come, let us return to the Lord; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up.

Because I know the ending point is beautiful, I can look back on the journey with peace. Now that I see Gods redemptive power in my life, the past no longer seems so daunting.

The darkness of the past no longer matters because the future is so much brighter than I ever could have imagined. Because of the brightness that surrounds me I can look back and laugh where I used to cringe.

Jeremiah 30:17

For I will restore health to you, and your wounds I will heal, declares the Lord, because they have called you an outcast: ‘It is Zion, for whom no one cares!’

God is full of promises and He will never ever ever break a promise. My God is a God of restoration. What a beautiful promise.

Looking back is reassuring. You can say to yourself, “Look how faithful God has been to bring me this far. How could I doubt that He will carry me the rest of the way through?” He has been faithful before, He will be faithful again.

God has brought me so far, but there is still so much further for me to go! Sometimes its hard to see that I’m standing in victory, sometimes all I see is defeat. But I know that God wont leave me here.

Philippians 1:6 And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.

I no longer look back and see regret

Now I look back and see God creating beauty out of chaos.

I see God supplying love where there was none
I see God softening the hardest of hearts
I see God bringing strength where there used to only be fear
I see God bringing peace and driving out worry and anxiety.

But most of all…

I see God bringing healing where gaping wounds lie
I see God making whole what was shattered
And I see God restoring and redeeming all that had been lost

Out of the ashes we rise.

Song Recommendation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yd9VEgsM2G4

I was blind, but NOW I SEE

I went to the boardwalk about a week ago with some friends to evangelize and just have conversations with people about Jesus. This was the first time I had ever done something like that and I was so nervous!

I thought, ‘I don’t have all the answers! I’m not smart enough to get the message across.’

I thought, ‘I’m not a good speaker! When I get nervous I stumble and fumble and look foolish.’

But out of obedience to God, I went to the boardwalk anyway.

And I’m glad I did.

When I started talking to people and they started asking hard questions, its true, I didn’t have all the answers. And I got a bit frustrated with the hypothetical scenarios thrown at me. I just wanted to make them see, but its hard to put into words something that you have experienced.

I just needed to share my story. To say, this is who I was, and this is how Jesus saved me.

I could sit and talk theology with you and dissect every line of the Bible but then we would be missing the point! The real living, breathing proof right in front of our eyes!

In John chapter 9 Jesus heals a man who was blind from birth and he is taken to the Pharisees. The man tells him that Jesus performed a miracle! The man tells them, he washed my eyes with mud and now I see.

Instead of rejoicing and giving thanks to God, these men debate and question the man about rules and regulations. They were missing the point!

Finally after continuing to be questioned, the man says, “Whether he is a sinner or not, I don’t know. One thing I do know. I was blind but now I see!”

It doesn’t matter to the man what day it was that brought him healing, all he knows it that his eyesight has been restored!

Instead of trying to answer every hypothetical situation and loaded question, I just wanted to say,

“Don’t you get it? Don’t you see how wonderful Jesus is?

I was blind but now I see!

I was a prisoner but now I’m free!

I was broken but now I’m healed!

I was lost but now I’m found!

I was dead but now I’m alive!

I was hopeless but now I have found hope!”

Some people aren’t going to be satisfied unless you can answer every single question and reassure them on every single issue about God.

But I cant do that. I cant answer enough questions to get someone to put their trust in God.

All I can say is that I’m not who I once was, and because of Jesus Christ I have joy and hope and love and freedom and salvation.
Song recommendation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nJ4yNYY1hHM

Into the lions den and the fiery furnace

Its been a rough week. I have stuffed my schedule so full of activity that I haven’t gotten a chance to sit and recharge and spend a lot of time with God. And the devil knows that! And he has just been attacking, hitting where it hurts, bringing up old wounds.

I’ve been going to a women’s bible study and really taking time to do the workbook that accompanies it and it has been like a breath of fresh air.

In the workbook I was reading a passage in Daniel, and noticed something that I never had before.

God did not immediately save Daniel. Lately I’ve noticed that I can be self focused and demanding of God. I want God to move in the way I think He should, WHEN I think He should.

But what I noticed when reading Daniel that…

DANIEL WENT INTO THE FURNACE.
And…
DANIEL WENT INTO THE LIONS DEN.

I love the way these three guys answer the king after he threatens them with a fiery furnace.

Daniel 3:16 Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”

These three guys committed to serving God even if He chose not to save them! They trusted that no matter what the outcome, God was faithful and that His will (even if it be them dying in a furnace), was the best way to go.

When God doesn’t come through for me in the way that I think He should, I sometimes feel betrayed or rejected. But I want to be like Daniel, content no matter what the outcome, knowing that God’s plan is ALWAYS the best plan.

God does choose to save Daniel and his friends, but they are still thrown into the furnace!

In this story God chooses to deliver them THROUGH the trial, not FROM the trial.

In the story of Daniel in the lions den, Daniel heard that anyone worshiping anything other than the King would be thrown into the lions den.

So Daniel promptly goes home and gave thanks to God.

Daniel didn’t go home and plead for his life, he went home and gave God thanks! So many times I find myself grumbling and complaining. But I realize even in times of hardships, there is still so much to be thankful for!

So Daniel was thrown into the lions den and stayed there all night long. And in the morning not a single scratch was found on him.

Daniel trusted that God would pull him through unscathed, but he spent all night with lions!

I don’t like trials. Not a fan. I just want God to save me BEFORE I’m thrown into the furnace or the lions den. And sometimes He does.

But other times, He knows that its wiser to let me go through the fire and to save me at the end.

The waiting period in the middle makes me cling to the hand of God and search for Him with all my might. If God had saved me right away, I would have called out a quick, ‘thank you’ and have been on my way.

Going through the furnace reminds me how desperately in need of God I am. In times of distress and hardship and pain, I find God so much closer by my side than when I feel myself competent on my own.

I know that even when I’m going through trials that God never leaves my side, not even for a single moment.

Still sometimes when things don’t go my way and trials come I quickly forget this lesson. I’m praying God will soften my heart and mold me into someone who is content to ride out the storm while holding His hand.

1 Peter 1:7 These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold--though your faith is far more precious than mere gold.
Thank you Jesus for the refining fire which will take this lumpy piece of coal, tossed around by a sinful world, and mold it into something beautiful that will glorify Your name.

This is a quote from a book by Joni Eareckson called, “A place of healing.” It’s a great book that I would recommend and I love this quote.

He has chosen not to heal me, but to hold me. The more intense the pain, the closer His embrace.

Song Recommendation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xHGU3z10fo0

God is Sovereign!!!

God is sovereign. I know this, but for years I hated the thought of it. A lot of times the sovereignty of God is an avoided topic. Because then comes the famous question, “If God is sovereign, why does He let bad things happen?”

And this is exactly what I wrestled with for the majority of my life. I knew God was sovereign. Even as a non Christian, I had no doubt that God was the one in control.

So I thought, if God is going to let bad things happen then he just must not care about people. I was resentful and bitter towards God, picturing Him up in the sky watching our sufferings and shrugging His shoulders indifferently.

Then I became a Christian my freshman year of college. For the first time in a really really long time, I began to see God as loving, comforting, and kind. But with this new, kind God, how was I to explain away all the hurts that I saw around me and felt within me?

Then, in a weak moment, a thought popped into my head, “Either God is not sovereign, and thus too weak to save you, or He is sovereign, and just doesn’t care enough to do so.”

I knew God was sovereign, but I also knew I couldn’t be at peace with a God who plans for my suffering.

I lost a lot of sleep worrying over this, until I was assured by someone very wise that God never plans evil.

When looking it up myself I found the well loved verse,

Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

But I still had that nagging, painful feeling in my heart whenever I thought about God’s sovereignty. I now know that God doesn’t plan evil, but the though of Him not stopping it, was still too heart wrenching to think about. So I just shoved it to the back of my mind and tried to forget about it. But these past couple months it kept popping up.

I had been very worried about following through on something God was calling me to do but I finally did and found so much peace. And I was so extremely relieved and grateful. I just looked up to heaven and bursting with joy, thought, ‘God you are sovereign.’

And then I had to pause, surprised at my own thinking. Had I just thought of God’s sovereignty with delight instead of horror?

Over these months without me even knowing it, God has been changing my way of thinking. I’ve always struggled with trusting God, and I have learned to without even realizing it. One of the things I struggled with the most now is beginning to come to me as easily as breathing.

I have now began to understand some truths. God has the whole world in his hands. Not in a tight fist, ready to squish it at any moment. But in a gentle embrace, delighting in our joys, and weeping with our sorrows. What really cut to my heart was once having someone tell me, “As painful as that hurt is to you, you will never be able to understand how deeply it hurts the heart of God.”

I still don’t understand why God doesn’t prevent some things from happening, why He allows some wrongs. I know that we live in a broken world and that God refuses to make us robots and allows us to choose to accept Him or not.

But I have come to be okay with that because I know God’s character. I don’t need to know why certain things happen. Because I trust God. God’s purpose is always good! Whatever He chooses to do with my life, I can be assured that it is for my eventual good, and will be used to help glorify His name. Im not so scared anymore, knowing that God has everything under control. I feel safe, like I don’t have to worry.

God can always be trusted to do what is best. There is not a single situation that God cannot redeem, that He cant use for His good purposes. There is not a single thing that happens to us that just goes to waste. God is using EVERYTHING.

God is my father, I know He has my bet interests at heart. So I can finally relax. I can finally stop trying to control every single thing. It feels so freeing to hand it over to God.

God is sovereign, my heart is reassured.

Song recommendation:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kKJ2hKe2QX4

God Wont Use Gifts To Bribe Us

I heard a preacher one time telling his congregation that as long as they pray every day and live their lives for God, they will have cars, money, houses, everything they ever wanted. And he said that if they do not get the things that they want, this must mean that they are doing something wrong and God is not pleased with them.

And hearing that preacher mislead a huge group of people made me so mad. Because I don’t believe that if you live a Godly life that God will give you everything you ever wanted. Because then what happens when you don’t get everything you want but you are living a blameless life?

Wealth and success are not the results of a Godly life. Look at the life of Jesus, He was perfect and His life was filled with persecution, mockery, and toil.

If we do right God will bless us. But what if the blessing is simply being able to wake up in the morning and live our lives?

But I have found myself caring more about what God can and has done for me than who He actually is. I have always measured how much God loves me by the things and people and experiences that He has blessed me with. But even if God never did another single good thing for me for the rest of my life, that wouldn’t change who He is. He is still God, and deserves all the honor and glory and praise. Doing nothing, God is still awe inspiring. I figured because God gives me good things He must love me. But even when I feel like He has drawn back His hand, He still loves me.

God gives us good things according to His perfect timing and planning.

Matthew 7:11

If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him

God gives us gifts because He loves us, He doesn’t hand out bribes.

Matthew 10:29

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father. And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows

We should not be concerned about whether or not God gives us gifts, because He has our every need taken care of .

God does, and will give us good things, but not to win our love. He already won our love, on the cross of Jesus Christ. God gives us good things because He loves us.

What we need is a change of perspective.

James 1:2

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance

PURE JOY. Not just, ‘try to get through,’ or, ‘hang in there,’ but, consider it PURE JOY.

Instead of thinking, ‘how is God going to bless me today?,’ we should be asking, ‘how can I be a blessing to others today?’

We need to realize that God has already given us the priceless gift of eternal life, everything else is just a completely undeserved bonus.

There are times when I feel empty and dry and I cry out to God, “God, I cant hear you, I cant feel you, I cant see you. God don’t you love me?”

And even when I cant hear his answer, I know He does. Because the same God who made the universe and knows every star by name, knows the exact number of hairs on my head.

My name is written on the palm of his nail scarred hand. He rejoices over me with singing and will never stop doing good to me. He gave me His holy word so whenever I’m feeling lonely, whenever I’m feeling lost, I can read His words and be reassured of His love. What a love I have in Jesus.

Song recommendation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MecgrJvbk24

Letting God take control

BASILEA!! Where do I even start???

Driving up I really had no idea what to expect of this years Basilea. I was excited, but I was also sad. When I came to Rider I quickly made friends with many sophomores, juniors, and seniors. ( I don’t know why, I’m always the baby in my group of friends). Next year I will be a senior! (not ready to talk about THAT yet!).

But that means that everyone I got really close to will now be gone. Of course there are more people in my life now and I’m so incredibly glad they’re staying, but its still hard to say goodbye to those that are leaving. I’m saying goodbye to the first group of people who welcomed me in and who I have learned to love.

Thankfully God gave me peace in this area, and it wasn’t until the last day of Basilea that I remembered I had to say goodbye.

That week God showed me so much. I’ve been searching everywhere for what God wants me to do and how He wants to use my life to bring him glory. It wasn’t until I got alone with God six hours away from my home, on a rock in the middle of the woods, that I finally heard His answer.

I get distracted really really easily. So I was sitting on this rock trying to clear my mind and listen for that still, small voice. And these birds kept making the loudest squawking noises you ever heard. I was so frustrated, until I heard this verse in my head,

Luke 19:40

“I tell you,” he replied, “if they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.”
I was so humbled. I was so focused on myself and the way that I thought I needed to hear God, that I almost missed the way that He wanted to speak to me. I was just so in awe of the fact that every single part of nature glorifies God. The birds, the color of the trees, the beautiful waves, mossy rocks, it all reflected God’s character and made me love Him more.

We were also learning about Joshua this week and how God commanded him to be strong and courageous. Of course this is a message that I needed to hear.

Joshua 1:9

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."

This year feels a bit intimidating to me, because I wont be surrounded by the same comforting people that I always have been.

But I’m starting to realize that that’s a good thing. Right about the time I start getting comfortable, that’s when I need to take a risk for Jesus. Joshua didn’t know what he would face going into Jericho, and I don’t know what I will face going into this year. But whatever it is, I will stand tall with confidence and boldness because my God is with me wherever I go.

I’m so grateful for all the prayer I got during my week at Basilea, and the long talks I had with people. I’m grateful for God slowly preparing me to face a new adventure and continually discard things that try to take His place as center of my life.

And while people leaving is still not my favorite thing, I have come to realize that people come and people leave and that’s just the way it goes. I have made new friends and said goodbye to old ones. Of course the goodbye is only temporary, but it still stings.

This chapter of my life is coming to an end. But you cant spend forever moping over the things that you had to let go of, or your going to miss some really amazing things that are ahead.

Reminding myself that in life there is a time for everything, and God’s timing is perfect.

Ecclesiastes 3
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens:

a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace

I'm starting to realize that I cant control everything! I cant keep everything comfortable and perfect and exactly the way I want it.

Because life is messy!! But someone I trust very much just told me that sometimes in order for God to work, He needs to start with a mess. I am unclenching my fists, and allowing God to take over. I know that God has a good plan for my life and for the lives of my friends. This year might be exactly what it takes for me to step out of my comfort zone, because I know from experience, that’s where God works best

　
Song recommendation: “A better way,” by Downhere.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XfxrKLo4hic

　

God of Justice

Psalm 89:14
Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; love and faithfulness go before you.

I love justice. I love justice because God loves justice. If your not sure how much God loves justice, go on bible gateway.com and type in justice. It will take you a whole day to go through how much the Bible has to say about justice.

You don’t really see much justice in the world today, at least not the justice that God longs to deliver. People say that you have to be careful with justice, because God calls us to have mercy and show grace. While this is true of course, THERE CAN BE NO LOVE WITHOUT JUSTICE.

There are consequences for sin, and while God still loves you, you have to face the consequences of your sin. And that’s actually the most loving thing, only an uncaring God would let you do whatever you want with no consequences for your actions.

The phrase I hear all the time that just breaks my heart is, “I cant believe in a God who gets angry, punishes people and doesn’t let everyone into heaven.”

What I wouldn’t be able to live with, is a God who DID just sweep sin under the rug and shrug his shoulders.

Because this world is unfair, this world is corrupt and full to the brim with injustice.

When we sin, we hurt others and we hurt ourselves. And that makes God angry, because we are His children! If you’re a parent you know how angry you get when someone hurts your child, think how much MORE God is angry when someone hurts his children.

I wouldn’t want to serve a god who saw evil happening and just didn’t care. If I love my brothers and sisters around the world how much more does their father in heaven love them? The god who knit them together in their mothers womb, shrug his shoulders at injustice? Never. His anger is righteous.

Executing justice is one way in which God shows his love for us. He loves us too much to let us continue down a path of sin and destruction. He loves ENOUGH to rebuke and correct us.

We see how God punished the children of Israel when they continually kept turning away and worshipping false Gods and idols. But God loved them too much to watch them destroy themselves and so he punished them and after seeing His mighty power they would turn back to Him and destroy their idols.

God does not execute justice unrelentingly though. Throughout the consequences of sin, God’s love reigns.

Hosea 11 is God speaking to Israel, “When Israel was a child, I loved him, and out of Egypt I called my son. But the more I called Israel, the further they went from me. “Will they not return to Egypt and will not Assyria rule over them because they refuse to repent? “How can I give you up, Ephraim? How can I hand you over, Israel? My heart is changed within me; all my compassion is aroused. I will not carry out my fierce anger.”

“How can I give you up?” I love these words. Although God’s punishment comes first, He will never give us up and His compassion will never end.

It is also God’s desire that His people follow His commands and show His love by passionately pursing justice.

Matthew 12:18
“Here is my servant whom I have chosen, the one I love, in whom I delight; I will put my Spirit on him, and he will proclaim justice to the nations.

Jesus says this about US. It is our JOB to proclaim justice, our God given command.

If you don’t have a heart for justice, get down on your knees and beg that god will break your heart for what breaks his. I know that’s a really catchy song that most people know, but have you actually done it? Plead for an unrelenting love for his people.

You should love your brothers and sisters around the world so much that when you hear statistics of sex trafficking, it makes you want to cry. Because of Gods love, you have the compassion and the ability to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.

But not just to weep, but to be moved to action. To say to the orphan, the widow, the oppressed, “God loves you so much that He sent me to procure justice for you.”

Justice also makes forgiveness possible. We are able to forgive and love because god is angry on our behalf. However upset you are at a wrong committed against you, God is even more upset. More upset than you could ever comprehend.

The ‘justice’ that you think your securing by holding onto unforgiveness, could never measure up to the righteous justice that God administers. We can let go of hurt and love others freely, because our God is one who loves justice. 

Song recommendation: A song written AND performed (on my bed, dont worry, Zach's not into zebra stripes =]) by my awesome musician brother in Christ, Zach Bragg

Song is called, "Your Worth"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4A7UaUlRK8k&feature=youtu.be

Putting God in His proper place

Recently, everywhere I go someone is talking about responding to God’s calling, ‘getting out of the boat’, or not putting other things in the place of God. And it bugs me.

It bugs me because I need to hear it. And its hard to hear. It bugs me because every time someone talks about it, the holy spirit gives my heart a little nudge.

And I cant squash that feeling anymore. I cant ignore the nudge anymore.

Most times when you think of putting things in the place of God, you think of material things like people or money or substances. But the thing that I put in front of God? Fear.

I put fear in front of God. Like fear is this great thing to be accommodated. I have accommodated fear in my life. I have gotten used to it and made a place for it. But its not so easy to live with anymore. Its taking up too much room.

Recently my friends convinced me to go on a walk late at night on this pretty trail, in a wooded area. I had such a great time hanging out with people that are leaving school this year, and made some great memories. I thought about how close I had come to not going on the walk, because it was in the dark woods. And I mean I was terrified, in my mind, there was a killer lurking behind every tree. The journey was scary, but when we got to the beautiful clearing at the end of the path it was so worth it.

And I almost missed it. I don’t want to miss out. Not just on some fun times, I don’t want to miss out ON MY LIFE!

I know myself and I could spend forever measuring and judging the what ifs of any situation. When God asks me to do something, I usually wrestle with Him for a while.

“But God, what if this happens? But God what if that happens? God are you strong enough to keep me safe?”

And then I hear Him say, “Yeah, so what if it happens? I’m still God and I’m still good.”

And if God does choose to call me home, I will be going to the place I've waited for my whole life! I used to not want Jesus to come back until I've done all the things I want on this earth. But now I've realized that these things dont have worth compared to the place Jesus is preparing for me. I'm so homesick, if it was up to me, my savior would come back this very second.

As Christians we need to look at our motives. Are we living our lives in response to God’s calling, or in response to something else? My motives have always been based on fear. And its exhausting, and draining, and crippling.

And I’m sick of it. So from now on I’m not going to let fear tell me what to do. I’m going to let God tell me what to do. When He tells me what to do, I’m going to do my best to listen, even and especially when its scary. Because I don’t want to be a slave to fear. I don’t want to be a bound prisoner to fear.

Galatians 5v1 says, It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.

God came to set me free from the sin of fear. Its silly to think of someone who has been set free to willingly return themselves to slavery. I don’t want to diminish the beautiful gift that Jesus offers me, by refusing the freedom that He brings.

Another verse about freedom that I love is John 8v34, which says, “I tell you the truth, everyone who sins is a slave to sin. Now a slave has no permanent place in the family, but a son belongs to it forever. So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

The son had set me free, but I put the shackles back on myself. I am not a slave to sin, I am a daughter of the most high God, and I am going to start living like it.

This is the summer that I am going to start living out of a reverence for God and not a reverence for fear. This summer I am going to fly across the ocean and tell random strangers about how much Jesus Christ loves them and wants to know them personally. I am going to start living my life not worrying about tomorrow, because my life is in the safest place possible, God’s hands.

God's word is a lamp, NOT a floodlight!

I love bible study. Reading the bible, laughing, and having a good time with others who love Jesus as much as I do makes me so happy. At bible study a couple of weeks ago my pastor said something that really stuck with me.

He said, “Gods word is a lamp unto our feet, but its not a floodlight.”

And those words just hit me. And you know what? I would really appreciate a floodlight. I don’t like the dark, I don’t like anything about it. You cant see anything, don’t know where you are or where your going, you don’t know what’s going to happen next, and you have no control over anything. And yet, a lot of the time in regard to what God wants me to do, I feel like I’m in the dark.

And I know that I need to patiently wait for God to, in his perfect timing, lead me in the way that the wants me to go. But I am so not a patient person. At first I’m fine but then I start getting anxious and thinking, “Okay God, that whole waiting this was fine for a while but now I would really like to move on. Any day now.”

The other thing is, when God does finally lead you into the light.

There have been times when God has made it clear to me that He wants me to do something and I’m not interested AT ALL. So I stall and make excuses and sometimes just refuse.

But its like I can hear God saying, “Listen Katie, we both know that in the end my will is going to be done. So you can just keep fighting me or you can surrender to what I know is truly the best thing for you.”

Its unfortunate that it always takes so long for me to get to the surrender part, especially since after I surrender I always find freedom and joy and peace.

The funny thing is that you sometimes realize Gods plan is not what you thought it would be. Suddenly seeing God’s plan for your life all laid out is terrifying. Its scary because, you don’t want to do that, its too hard, or demanding, or painful, or just not what you had envisioned for yourself. But I know that if I’m not on board with God’s plan, then the only plan I have left is my own. And that is scarier than anything, because I have no idea what I’m doing.

I know that no matter how many loops God throws me for, when I leave my life in his hands, I am always going to be okay. Entrusting myself to him will never lead to disappointment or regret.

I guess at this time in my life I need to be asking God for patience. Its like Jesus is leading me through a pitch dark room. In frustration and fear I call out to him, “Jesus, I cant see where I’m going!” And in his calm, soothing voice I hear, “That’s okay, I’ve got you. I’m never going to let go of your hand, just let me guide you. You don’t need to know where you going because I do. And I am never going to let you go.”

Now, if anyone else said these words to me I’m not sure I would believe them. But this is Jesus. And I KNOW Him. We’ve been together for a while now, well He was always with me but its only been three years since I finally stopped fighting Him and really started living. I have walked with Him closely for three years and I KNOW Him.

He has proven Himself reliable, trustworthy, and the very definition of what I have come to know as love. He has been my constant. He has been my strong tower against the storm. He has been a warm embrace, a place of safety. When I feel like no one in the entire world understands, I know that HE DOES. He understands and he cares and He will NEVER stop caring.

And so because I know Him like this, I know that I can trust His word. And I trust His word when it says in Psalm 139:7-12

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

I couldn’t get away from God if I tried, and believe me, there have been times in the past when I have tried. So it really doesn’t matter if I don’t know where I’m going because no matter where I end up, I know that God will be with me. I don’t need a floodlight, because the presence of God in my life lights up the darkness.

Song Recommendation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l1p-QfgkLow
　

Truly You are the Son of God!

TRULY YOU ARE THE SON OF GOD. While I was reading the Bible these words stuck out to me even though I’ve read the passage multiple times.

In my quiet time I am reading the book of Matthew and I’m at one of my favorite parts. The parts of the new testament I like best are where Jesus is loving people and comforting them. I was reading Matthew 14 where Jesus walks on the water. Last blog post I talked about how the disciples are terrified at seeing Jesus walk on water, and Jesus immediately calms them. The wind dies down and they disciples worship Him, saying, “Truly you are the son of God!”

I thought about how infrequently I just sit and think about the fact that Jesus is the son of God! In the busyness of life its so easy for me to forget to take time to stand in awe of God and be filled with His presence. So this week I did an experiment. I slowed down my life and I took note of every time something reminded me of how good Jesus is and the power and authority that He has in people’s lives.

This week I saw so many people selflessly loving others in Jesus’ name and I looked up to heaven and thought, ‘Truly you are the son of God!’

I have seen people healed from sickness and I thought, ‘Truly you are the son of God!’

I hear reports of justice being brought about all over the world and people being saved from captivity and oppression and I think, ‘Truly you are the son of God!’

When I see people with hurts SO deep, forgive those who have hurt them I know that the son of God was doing the work for them.

When I hear testimonies of those who have despite all odds come up from the pit and are now living in the victory of God, I think, ‘Truly you are the son of God!’

I look at my own life and I see it all mapped out in my head, all the bumps and hills and rocky roads. Then I look at where I am now, and I see a story of hope and redemption and healing. Thanking God over and over again, all I can do is whisper, ‘Truly you ARE the son of God!’

And the men in the bible who first said this phrase were not hesitant. They were SURE! The word TRULY lets us know that they were absolutely sure of what they were saying.

Sometimes I’m not so sure. Sometimes in the struggles of life I get weary and I forget who Jesus is.

In my frustration I cry out, “God where are you? If your good and loving then why is this happening?”

I have to remind myself that of one thing I can always be positive, Jesus IS the son of God and He is ALWAYS in control.

I know people who think that the bible is just an old book with no meaning for today. But Jesus is alive today in those who proudly bear his name and strive to live their lives as a reflection of him. We are to be his hands and feet on this earth. Jesus is alive in us.

In my life I see Jesus. I see Jesus in the people that God has surrounded me with. I see a reflection of Him in them. Every time someone takes care of me, or loves me, or selflessly helps me when I really need it, I see Jesus. I see Jesus in a warm smile, a loving hug, a listening ear, or a friend’s faithful presence in my life.

I see the son of God! Imagine if everyone walked around loving others like Jesus loves them. Imagine what kind of world we would live in.

Back to the passage, I want to note something else that I found interesting. Peter actually gets out of the boat and starts walking on the water towards Jesus.

V30: “But when he saw the wind, he was afraid, beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Of course God immediately saves him but He also asks, ‘why did you doubt?’

Peter was actually walking on the water! He was doing great until he took his eyes off of Jesus and began to notice the waves. He wasn’t in any actual danger, but his own fear was what made him sink.

I’ am Peter. I am the disciple who is eager to get to Jesus but am afraid of the waves. So often I need to remind myself to keep my eyes off of the waves and place them back on Jesus.

So many times I cry out to God, “Lord I’m afraid! I’m terrified of even getting out of the boat!”

The waves of life can seem so big, but really compared to Jesus they are very very small.

I hear Jesus’ calming voice say, “I’ am the son of God! Keep your eyes on me and together we will face whatever may come.”

Song Recommendation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdbPynNI9Xo

Forgiveness

Forgiveness. What great emotion and struggle and conflict all contained in that one word. When I first became a Christian I was all on board with forgiveness. “Me? Yeah I know God has forgiven me. I LOVE forgiveness. What? Forgive others? Hmmm, not so fun anymore.”

Everything God gives us are gifts to give away to others. Like we’ve been given love so we give it to others, grace, mercy…. So it makes sense that forgiveness is also something that once having received, we must give away. But forgiveness is hard! I mean its not even like algebra hard, its like climbing Mount Everest in flip flops, hard! While its not fun forgiving for little things, its usually not too much of a stretch for most of us. But what about the big things? The things that actually matter? The things that really hurt? It seems impossible to forgive those things right? Sins people do that hurt us are like a knife in our hearts. But thinking about it I realize, ‘my sin is like a knife in God’s heart. My sin kept Him tied to a tree.’

And He forgives me every day over and over and over. And He does it in love. Sometimes in my humanness I think, “fine, I will forgive you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still get to be mad at you.’

True forgiveness? Not really.
During worship one night at Rider the song, "How He loves," came on and I was reminded how much God loves me. But then God said to me, "I do love you. But you know that person you cant seem to forgive? I love them too." I forgot that Jesus loves those we find hard to love, He died for them too.

Every wonder why forgiveness is so hard? Because perfect forgiveness doesn’t come natural to us! Forgiveness is from God, forgiveness is divine. The way I thought about forgiveness before was just saying the words but not really meaning them. Our human nature is to be angry and protect ourselves by not forgiving.

We have to every day fight to forgive. Forgiveness is not a simple thing, it’s a battle, at least it is for me. But the good news is that God has already fought the battle for me. And He fights if for me all over again every single day. We must make a conscious effort to reverse our way of thinking. And forgiveness does not mean that we forget. It means that we choose to not hold the offense against them. 

There is a Bible verse I found that is very clear about the way our hearts are to be when dealing with others.

Ephesians 4:31-32 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

We must be tenderhearted towards one another. Most of the time my heart is pretty tender, but sometimes it is a hard, stubborn, rock. But I remember in the same way that God was able to harden Pharaoh’s heart, He is able to soften mine.

I once heard this story about a girl who had been in a Jewish concentration camp where her family members had died. Later, she met the guard who worked at her concentration camp and he asked her forgiveness. Feeling anger pulsing through her, she lifted her arm to shake his hand and asked God to change her heart. And as He did, she felt an overwhelming supply of love for her former captor. This story amazes me and has stayed impressed on my heart since the day I heard it.

Taking a cue from this woman, every time I feel anger and unforgiveness creep back up on me I have to stop what I’m doing and ask God to once again supply the love that I cannot find anywhere. Asking Him, 

“Lord help me go through the motions and you supply the rest. Lord just help me do the best I can and You stand in for me where I fail.”

I always imagine forgiveness as a big valley with two cliffs at either end. Me on one end and forgiveness all the way on the other side of the deep valley. Its one hundred percent impossible for me to bridge the gap myself. Oh, but Jesus is standing in the middle. Jesus is standing in for me because I am not competent to do it myself.

I will forgive, even if I have to do it through gritted teeth. I look forward to the day forgiveness no longer hurts. The day I am a person who forgiveness flows from pure and freely. Until then, I will rely on the grace of God to make a way for me and be everything that I cant.

Song Recomendation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0AA_UM10ARs

Do not be afraid

FEAR. That seems to be the theme of the week. Anyone who really knows me knows that I am a pretty fearful person. Its not something that I’m proud of, its actually quiet embarrassing. So I just say I’m a realist, which sounds so much better than scared of my own shadow.

Last week at my church the sermon was from Mark 6 v 45-56 and it talked about Jesus walking on the water towards his disciples. There was a crazy storm and even the experienced fishermen were having trouble keeping the boat under control. I can tell you if I was in that boat I would be terrified. So Jesus, starts walking on the water by them and they FREAK OUT. I mean someone walking on water is so beyond anything they could imagine. It says that they were terrified, and it makes me feel slightly better to think that even middle aged men who chill with Jesus get scared too.

Jesus IMMEDIATELY said, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” I like that it says IMMEDIATELY. Knowing Jesus, I feel that his compassion for them overwhelmed him and seeing how afraid they were, he rushed to reassure them.

I’ve read this passage a lot but something I had never noticed was… Jesus told them not to be afraid, and THEN he climbed into the boat and calmed the storm. NOT BEFORE…WHAT? Jesus told them to take courage not because the trouble was over, but because he was with them. And that should be enough.

Knowing that Jesus is with me does make me feel so much better, but that ‘storm’ is still nagging me in the back of my mind.

I feel like its going to take a lot of practice but I want to be with the storm as long as Jesus climbs into the boat with me. And I know that He always will for in one of my favorite bible verses, Deuteronomy 31:6 it says, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”

That’s a promise, and God is the only one I know who will never break a promise, will never lose my trust.

Mark 6 goes on to say that, “As soon as they got out of the boat, people recognized Jesus. They ran throughout that whole region and carried the sick on mats to wherever they heard he was…They begged him to let them touch even the edge of his cloak, and all who touched him were healed.”

The people were so desperate just to be near Jesus. I am so desperate just to be near Him, but do I run? Or do I take my time, knowing that He will still be there when I get around to it? I want Jesus to be proud of me and I want Him to think that I am competent. But the truth that He can obviously see is, I’m not. But He loves me anyway! Where else in the world can you get love like that? I’m so grateful for it.

It says it beautifully in second Corinthians 3v4-5, “Such confidence we have through Christ before God. Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.”

What a relief that I do not have to be good enough on my own. How comforting that when I am weak, God is strong. I know that I can freely run to Jesus when I’m scared because I hear Him say, “What a good opportunity for me to hold and comfort you.”

This part of His character only makes me love Him more, my protector.

Song recommendation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ddo1K-03AAc&feature=results_video&playnext=1&list=PL92AA92E9B6E2E61A

Offering God the leftovers

I have a daily routine in the morning that I get up a little early, read some scripture, pray, and listen to some worship music. And if I don’t get my daily dose of God, I get cranky! Not spending time with God in the morning and filling my head with his truths and love makes me absolutely MISERABLE! But even knowing myself, and knowing this fact, I still find myself putting off my quiet time with God and making excuses to myself for not spending more time with Him.

My brain feels so jammed with information, schedules, and things I need to get done that God often takes a backseat. I thought, ‘if I just get all of this done then I will have some quiet time, and I’ll feel better.’ But anyone can see the flaw in this plan, because as soon as I finish one thing, five more items get added to the to do list.

So I have been hastily reading the bible for five minutes before class or saying a quick ten second prayer every other day. But five minutes with God just isn’t enough to satisfy me. And God wont accept being second priority in my life as I realized while reading 2^nd Samuel.

In 2^nd Samuel 24:18 King David is told to make an alter to the Lord. So he goes to a threshing floor and the man he is buying it from offers him everything he wants for free. Sounds great right? Wrong. I reread this sentence a couple of times, because I so much felt God talking to me through it. David says something that really made me stop and think about my life.

He says in verse 24, “No, I insist on paying you for it. I will not sacrifice to the Lord my God burnt offerings that cost me nothing.”

For David, offering to the Lord free items, would be too easy, too convenient. This verse convicted me and made me realized that I had only been willing to give to God when it was convenient for me, when it cost me nothing. Then I’m reminding of the sacrifice Jesus made on the cross, the sacrifice that cost Him EVERYTHING. Jesus sacrificed his life and I wont sacrifice an hour of sleep? Hmm, I’m thinking maybe my priority’s are out of order.

This passage made me think all the way back to Genesis 23 to the story of Abraham burying Sarah. A man offers to give him a free cave where he can bury her. But just like David, Abraham refuses to accept the free gift. He loved his wife so much that he wanted to honor her by giving of himself. If this man loves his wife so much to give of himself for her while she is dead, how much more should we honor and give to our God?

Another Bible passage that talks about offering up the very best of ourselves is found in Genesis with the story of the very first ever sibling rivalry. Abel brought God the very best of his flock, while Cain simply brought some of the fruits of the soil. We see that Abel brought God the best he had, while Cain’s heart wasn’t really in it.

And God see’s what’s in our hearts, every motive and every intention. God would not accept Cain’s offering because he wanted more from him, he wanted more from his son.

I want God to want more from me. I don’t want to treat God as if I don’t need Him, because I most definitely do. The things that we spend the most time doing are the things that we are most passionate about. Just like the things we spend the most time thinking about are what our lives will reflect.

If we claim that Jesus is our savior then He should be the thing that we invest the most time in. Especially when its not easy, especially when it cost us something.

Its not always easy to give God time, energy, and resources. There are times when I’ve had a hard day or I’m in a bad mood and I don’t feel like reading the bible or talking to God. But that’s when it means the most. We are to give of ourselves to God until we don’t have anything left to give.

Since I love love love music, I’m going to post a song at the end of every blog that I think you should check out.

So song recommendation: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mM4RjgRyieQ

You Can Come As You Are

My last blog post talked about how important it is to run to God in the midst of trouble or difficulties. But then God totally convicted me of the way that I was holding myself back from Him. You see, I sometimes have this ridiculous notion that before entering God’s presence I have to fix myself up. Thinking to myself, “He is the God of the universe! To even be in His presence is an honor! I have to have it all together before I go talk to Him.”


But God really showed me that this is the opposite of what He wants our relationship to be like. I find it most difficult to go to God right after I have sinned, because that’s when the regret and shame make themselves most known. That’s when we feel at our lowest point, and we think to ourselves, “After messing up again and again how could I possibly stand in God’s presence?” So we try to clean ourselves up instead of admitting to God that we are a complete mess.


But really does it even matter? Even if we did everything almost perfectly, it would still always fall short of the glory of God. Even our very best effort is as filthy rags compared to the glory and magnificence of God. So we cant think to ourselves that after sinning we are no longer worthy to stand in God’s presence, because on our own we can never measure up anyway.


However, Hebrews 4:15-16 gives us hope.

For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are--yet was without sin. 16 Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

We are supposed to go to God with our chin up, confident that although we feel so unworthy, God has called us to be his sons and daughters.

I really love psalm 51, and the way that David is so open and honest with God about the place he is at. He wrote this psalm after confronted about his adultery with Bathsheba and eventual murder of her husband.

Psalm 51:1-5 “Have mercy on me O God according to your unfailing love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me. Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight.”

David has committed a sin that will result in the suffering of many people. It would be understandable if, in his shame, David had hidden himself from God. But this is not the case, instead David wisely marches right up to God and confesses everything. He doesn’t try to hide what he has done, or make excuses, he actually pours out his sin to God. Of course he first needed a good shove in the right direction by an awesome prophet named Nathan.

My favorite part of the psalm starts with verse 7,“Cleanse me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow…Create in me a clean heart O God and renew a right spirit within me.”

To me these words are so beautiful. They create a mental image of God taking something dirty and stained, and transforming it instead into an object of beauty and cleanliness.

Most days I don’t want God to see my failure, or the unlovely parts of my character. Sometimes I feel as though I have to prove to God that I deserve to be called his daughter. Lately when I’m having my quiet time I’ve found myself starting with, “Hey God, its me Katie. I’m just so joyful and grateful and everything is just peachy”.

That’s when I hear God saying, “Yeah, right. Start over”.

God says you can put on a smile for everyone else but when you come to me, you be genuine. You be real. I mean really, what’s the point of pretending? God see’s it all anyway. Even the parts I’m ashamed of, that I don’t want god to see. He sees them and he loves me the same. So we come to Jesus with nothing, but aching to receive. Longing to be filled overflowing with his goodness and love. Our father always provides. We will never walk away from him feeling unsatisfied.

If you are holding things back from God or need to tell him how much of a mess you are and ask for healing, you should do it right now. It might be scary or intimidating, but it is so worth it. He is God, but He is also your loving father who wants to hear from His child how they are honestly doing.

This song is pretty amazing and I would recommend it to anyone to listen to. It really talks about going to Jesus exactly the way you are.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6U-MSwd6zMU&feature=fvwrel